A big topic of discussion right now involves those we hold in high regard. Those we consider to be miracle-workers and role models. Those that bring us joy. I am of course talking about the MLB and NBA Hall of Fame nominations. So in that line of thinking, we have to ponder this: did Jesus of Nazareth have a hall of fame career? There are plenty of points for and against.
JC was a superstar. An absolute stud out there, theres no denying that. He's got a great list of credentials. Looking just at his miracles, he cured: the blind, lepers, paralytics, women (they weren't allowed to exist without being dependent on men back then, people forget that), and restored a mans cut off ear without needing to grow it on the back of a rodent.
He also turned water into wine at a wedding when the hosts ran out because they were poor AF probably. He helped catch a ton of fish and walked on water. He raised Lazarus from the dead after four days in a tomb, likely due to the little known fact Lazarus owed Jesus $50 in fantasy football league fees.
Jesus had a massive following, and is still talked about today by millions as a legend, sort of like Michael Jordan or Bill Russell. You don't get 12 disciples for nothing, folks. Jesus had one of the best posse's of all-time, no offense for the p-word. Jesus was born in a manger, a real blue collar, gritty way to come into the world. And he carried that attitude with him. A real pro's pro, student of the game, lunchpail, coaches son, high IQ, deceptively athletic type of guy.
Last but not least, Jesus had the first big comeback. Long before the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead, or the Cubs came back from 3-1 down, Jesus came back from the dead after 3 days. So if you really think about it, the Boston Red Sox weren't the first team to come back from 3-0 down, Jesus was. Really impressive stuff.
A very good resume to be frank. But there are some factors that take away from it.
Like PFT said on the latest episode of Pardon My Take, Jesus had a short career. Great, yes, but short nonetheless. Big Cat expanded not hat thought, saying, "Jesus was an all-time 'what could have been if he just stayed healthy'". Do the miracles and so on cancel out the short career?
He was also betrayed by Judas. While it is unknown why exactly this happened, leading theories include money ad the Devil entering into Judas. Did Jesus have a great posse (no offense)? Yes. But all it takes is one bad egg to ruin your legacy, just look at Aaron Hernandez's friends who had their legacies ruined by that guy who still isn't suspended by the NFL. Jesus somehow let this narc into his squad. And if you have a guy in your crew who is easily corruptible by Satan and allows the Devil into his body that early, that spells trouble. Even more damming is the fact Judas is often compared to Miami Heat-era LeBron James...
Of note, 666 is the Number of the Beast.
Shocking to say the least. Sidenote...
Uhhhhh, ya think?
Looking at his resurrection, he doesn't have the most returns nor are they the most famous or widely argued about...
Finally, we look at character. A hot topic is if Curt Schilling's Twitter account and off the field views will keep him out of the Baseball Hall of Fame. George Karl recently said Carmelo Anthony and Kenyon Martin carried the burden of being wealthy but not having dads to show them how to be men. Jesus' dad wasn't around very much for him either, and he had an OK stepdad in Joseph, but it was a tumultuous upbringing to say the least, best summarized by Family Guy...
And remember how Dez Bryant got asked at the NFL Combine if his mother was a prostitute? Imagine Jesus having to answer questions about his virgin mother getting pregnant by the Holy Spirit and giving birth, but she was still a virgin.
So there you have it. Does Jesus belong in the Hall of Fame? I'm inclined to say yes. I would compare him to Rob Gronkowski if Gronk were to retire right now. Phenomenal talents with stacked resumes that were the best at their positions of all time who had short careers due to issues with their bodies, not their minds.
So, Jesus, congratulations on your induction.
PS-Could Jesus beat Bama???
PPS-I am fully aware I am going to Hell for this. The price you pay. You know who else had to pay the price for his work?
We were sooooooo close to coming out of the Expansion Draft unscathed. Last pick and Minny breaks our hearts picking rookie upstart and fan-favorite Femi plucked right from our hands. He brought a great energy coming off the bench last season and I was really looking forward to watching him next year after he had settled well with the team as a rookie. Alas, it was not in the cards. I didn't hate the players the Revs protected either...
They protected exactly who they should have. The one person I wasn't sure they would protect was Cropper, but they luckily saw things the same way I did. Cropper has the potential to be one of the best goalkeepers in MLS and American soccer. We haven't had a top-tier keeper since Matt Reis; Bobby and Brad have done well since then but Cropper can be better. So I'm glad he was protected and the Revs are showing a commitment to him and his potential. It just sucks Femi had to be a casualty.
The goals, the hair, the Batman Cleats, we will miss you Femi.
Before anyone cared where I would spend my summer, I was just a kid from Southeastern Massachusetts. Medfield, to be specific, but unless you're from Eastern Mass and actually have any idea where that is, it's easier to just say Boston. I digress. It's where I learned I would have to do actual work in the summertime, when I thought I could get away with going to camps, playing sports and otherwise just laying around for three months on end. When it would stay light out for as long as we needed in order to finish a basketball game. When it was warm enough at all times, you didn't have to check to see what you should wear. I learned in high school you needed to have responsibilities in this most sacred of times to, not just during the school year.
I started as an intern at GateHouse Media, working with a number of local newspapers, including my hometown Medfield Press. I gained experience for a hopeful future career. It's also when I started this blog. The next summer was spent in the stockroom and on the floor of the Columbia Sportswear Outlet Store in Wrentham, MA. That at least was done with two of my friends, and we toiled there from May, just after graduating high school, until the end of August, when it was time for college. That winter and spring, I missed out on media internships that would aid in my hopeful future. I was unaware and unprepared. I spent that summer instead tending to a lawn in Norton, MA, right on the edge of a lake. Three hours every day to start, and then every other day, watering the grass at this house built by my grandfather and on the housing market. Not to brag, but that lawn was probably the best on the block, no offense to the neighbors.
That fall and winter at school I began looking at internships for the upcoming summer. Summer of 2016. The same year as the Olympics. It just so happens my school has a partnership with NBC, sending interns to work the Olympics every two years. I wanted that internship in the worst way. Spending the last few weeks of summer in Brazil, I mean who would pass that up? Even with the health and safety concerns. I mean, I had withdrawn from Team USA considerations...
Following @PFTCommenter example, I am officially withdrawing my name from any @TeamUSA Olympic considerations as a result of the Zika threat
But I was still open to working as part of the media. And so, I foolishly put all my eggs in that basket. I knew it would take longer than other internships to hear back since it would be happening as a lot of those other chances were ending. So I only applied to the Rio Games. And I waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually it got to the point where I emailed someone in the dean's office to ask them if I should have heard any-literally ANY-correspondence from NBC by now, and if I should begin looking at other options.
That was in February. I was basically told, "I have no idea about correspondence, but yes, start looking at other options." I was down. I still held out a little hope, even as I began looking at other opportunities. The problem was, it was February. The internships needed applications weeks ago. It was looking like another summer of watering yards or working retail. A few days later I got the official email from NBC informing me they were "grateful for the interest, but are unable to offer you a position at this time."
In the final days of February and early days of March I was texting a friend from home, joking about my prospects of the summer ahead. He told me his job had a few openings I should check out. He and few others had been working at a summer camp and spots for basketball and sports were apparently open. "Perfect," I thought. "Make a quick 2K+ and be done with it." I filled out an application and emailed those in charge just to make my presence known and hopefully bump me to the top of the line. After some back and forth, I had an interview set up for spring break. I went and got my hair trimmed to the point I wouldn't have to wear it in a bun, shaved my face of its 17 hairs, put on my khakis and shirt and tie, and drove to the JCC in Newton, MA. It was an interesting interview to say the least. I was asked by the camp director and assistant director about all things leadership, why I wanted to be involved and what sports I played in high school. I was even asked to stand up so the director could see how tall I was at one point. But it went well. I was told what I'd make if hired, and was told there was a 95% chance I'd become sports specialist at the senior field.
A few days later I was raking leaves and sticks at my grandparents house listening to the new episode of Pardon My Take when I heard a beep on my phone. I checked and somehow had missed a call even with the earphones in. But there was a voicemail and an email. I checked the email first. It was from the assistant director, telling me they had decided to hire me and there was a message on my voicemail with he same info. I called back and accepted. The paperwork was sent to me, filled out and sent back. I was officially on board. I was going to be a part of the staff at JCC Grossman Camp.
Remember when they told me there was 95% chance I would end up in sports? I received an email in April they had decided to move a returning and longer tenured staff member there. So I was going to be made a senior counselor with an older group and without a deduction in salary. I honestly didn't think anything of it, but was told by my friend being a specialist was much easier. And that would have worked a lot better for my one-and-done plan. But I wasn't about to throw a fit over it either. They were paying me, I would oblige them however I could.
You can read about the last few weeks at camp, as well as my thoughts following the final week. But to sum it up, I had an awesome time. The kids were great, the staff was great, and the co-workers were great. I had such a good time I started thinking, "How can I be back next year?" My unit head called me over one day the last week to do a sort of informal exit interview. He wanted to pick my brain on what went well and what I thought could be improved. I had already mentioned weeks before about our Friday schedule being tough with four straight activities and no time for kids to switch into other groups, and he heeded my advice and cut out a few minutes for that. And then he asked me if I would be back next year. And I told him I truly hoped so. At that time I was finishing my application to study in London for the Spring 2017 Semester. And I could get an internship there to, meaning I could go back to camp in the summer. So I told him that. Basically a 50/50 chance I was back despite 100% wanting to. He told me he understood I would need to look for internships if London didn't happen. But he said he hoped I would be back to, and that I would be a good fit based on what he saw over the summer with the age group just below us even better than the one we were in or the one above us. I essentially said something like, "Thank you, but if I'm back I want to be here or with the kids when they move up next year." I'm a loyalty guy, no big deal.
I leave for London on January 9, 2017. I will be interning there. I sent in my contract and other initial forms to the JCC in Newton on Black Friday.
I'm back.
So now the question is, why? Well, like I wrote above, it was a hell of a time last year. It was truly a blast to earn a paycheck the way I did, I don't take that for granted. But it may also be the last time I get to do it. After camp ends I start my senior year of college and will have to start looking at year-round jobs. And I have unfinished business. My red Maccabiah Second Place ribbon hangs on the wall in my room, right above my desk, taunting me like the flag of the Soviet Union to President Ronald Reagan. I'm coming for that blue ribbon like a bat out of hell, so hop on the train or get run over.
When that rookie deal ended I felt like there was more story to write with this franchise. I entered free agency open to offers, but when that new contract came through my email, it was too hard to pass up. A sophomore season on the heels of a Rookie of the Year display in 2016 seemed like destiny. I mean, I fell ass backward into the job when I missed out on Rio and hadn't applied to any backups. Maybe that was fate, seeing as I seemed to find my place in Kinneret with those kids and counselors. I got a max deal as well, becoming the highest paid second-year counselor in the history of the camp (this info has not been verified in any way). And I know what the critics will say:
STEPHEN A SMITH: To me, that's preposterous. He has shown nothing that tells me he commands top dollar. A good role counselor, sure, but the highest paid second-year ever? EVER!?!? Hell, I'd rather give that money to Kwame Brown. KWAME BROWN! Did he have a good year? Yes. I personally didn't think he was deserving of the Rookie of the Year, but that happened. HOWEVER! I simply do not think he can sustain his level of counseloring in year two. I just don't see it. He will get exposed, I will be proven correct, and you will all be left feeling hoodwinked, bamboozled, lead astray, run amok and flat out deceived.
But I promise on thing, folks. I will thrive on that. The doubters, the naysayers, all of it. It will feed me like I'm Isaiah Thomas thinking about being picked last.
I know it won't be exactly the same. Almost all of the kids who made Year 1 special will be gone. I'll still see them, but it won't be the same. I don't know which of my co-counselors will be back, and the same goes for my friends who work there. But that's alright. I went in blind last year and look how it turned out. I can do it again, and even better now that I know what's coming.
I feel like Christian from WWE asking for one more match:
One. More. Summer. (For the World Heavyweight Championship)
I'm not having a press conference or party or patting myself on the back. I thought about doing an hour long special on ESPN to announce my decision but decided not even I was that big of an asshole. I'm too blue collar for that. I also couldn't afford the airtime on ESPN, or a SportsCenter anchor to conduct the event. I couldn't even afford airtime on FS1. I'll have a nice, locally-brewed IPA or two...
... but then it's nose to the grindstone. I have the rest of the school year to prepare for, and then need to gameplan for camp, developing strategies on how to get the most points in a single day of Maccabiah without necessarily cheating but also not necessarily playing by all the rules. I might light a couch on fire or eat some beef jerky. But I'm a humble kid from humble beginnings, not like JJ Watt, who will put forth maximum effort into this job, except maybe lip sync because I'm still not very good at that and will let my co-captain do 90% of the work. I'll show grit and workrate that would make every white skill-position player in the NFL blush.
I don't know what will happen after the final day of camp in 2017. Will I be back? Will I have a farewell tour regardless? Well, that's too far ahead to know for certain, though I am open to the idea accepting gifts and monetary donations of all sizes, preferably in large quantities in burlap sacks, paper bags, briefcases with far too many latches and also simply thrown at me like I'm Sepp Blatter...
What I do know is there are soccer games to be won, kids to bury in basketball and video games, and content to convey. "This Week in Campers" will be back with a new cast of characters (yes, I did call 10 year old children characters). That's a promise. If you don't like it, there's the door.
At Camp Grossman, nothing is given. It's earned.
I'm ready for the challenge.
I'm ready to get to work and show my mettle.
I'm ready to get up at 745 AM for a bus that gets us there 30 minutes before anyone else.
I'm ready to get up at 6 AM after getting four hours of sleep on an overnight and having kids already be yelling and sweating my ass off putting 45 sleeping bags back into the covers that are made far too small for what they carry.
Jurgen Klinsmann has been relieved of his duties as head coach and technical director of the United States Men's National Team. It's been a rough few months (or years depending on how you want to look at it) for Jurgy, with himself mainly to blame. With the rest of World Cup qualifying coming up in 2017, a new head coach needs to be named. Former USMNT manager Bruce Arena is largely considered to be the man US Soccer will tap given his familiarity with the qualifying process and international play overall before handing the keys over to a new coach after Russia 2018. But is he enough? Let's take a look at a few unconventional options...
Uncle Rico
All he needs is a chance, folks.
Kim Jong-un
He's never lost at anything ever and there would be no media distractions around the team. Underperforming players would end up getting fed to dogs or blown up by anti-aircraft guns from point-blank. You think they'd ever dog it at training knowing that? Not. A . Chance.
The Troops
I can't be the only one who thinks if the troops wanted to they could put together a coaching staff and dominate international soccer.
Lebron James
Lebron James could have been the best soccer player in the United States according to every 4 years when casual fans tune into the World Cup. The next best thing is having him as our coach. Just like handball, track and field, basketball and every other sport, Lebron could dominate coaching if he really wanted to. It's unknown how him subtweeting all his players would affect team morale.
The Internet
It's about damn time we let the internet commenters of America have their say. Before they can become president and fix all our nations issues while simultaneously copy and pasting articles from Elite Daily, Huffington Post and BuzzFeed, they can prove themselves by taking over at the USMNT. The Internet has had plenty to say about Klinsmann and routinely offer up their counterpoints and tactics, so let's put them to good use. There will be polls every match day to determine the starting lineup, since polls are one thing we all agree on. The main downside will be when we have to replace our captain when the new coach constantly makes fun of Michael Bradley's bald head.
Coach O
US Soccer needs an interim coach, and there is no better interim coach than Coach O. PFT Commenter has already laid the groundwork for Interim Ed's tenure as USMNT head man.
Maybe what our futbol team needs is a rough and tumble Cajun football guy. We already know he will focused 100% on winning...
He'll bring some toughness we have been straying away from (classic soccer)...
Electric pump up speech. That's a World Cup guaranteed. Downside is you have to fire him right after because once you take away the "interim" title his magic is lost. But I'm all in on making Ed Oregon the next head coach of this nations men's soccer team.
PS-We all know there's only one option for our new technical director. Someone good with finding and grooming young talent and putting together a winning roster to break long championship droughts.
I should probably preface this by saying this is almost more
for me and just getting the thoughts in my mind down, but I hope you reading
can take something, anything from this.
Anyone who knows me well knows I’m not a politics guy. Never
have been, hopefully never will be. I tend to focus more on athletics and who's getting the Crying Jordan treatment next. But it was unavoidable this time around.
And given the results and the reaction, there’s been a few things running
through my mind. Disclaimer: I can't speak for white people. I can't speak for black people. I can't speak for Latinos. I can't speak for Pacific Islanders, Middle Eastern people, Jews, Muslims, I can't even speak for other Asian Americans from the Northeast. I can't speak for any member of the LGBTQ community. I can't speak for women. All I can do is speak for myself and share the thoughts that splashed across my mind throughout this all. I don't know what it feels like to be anyone else, and I'm not trying to with this post.
I’m not pro-Trump. I’m not pro-Hillary. I tried to pay as
little attention as possible to the 2016 election as possible because I knew I
would be disappointed with who was chosen to be the leader of this country
either way. I didn’t think Gary Johnson or Jill Stein were good
either. Am I particularly happy a man who took a Stone Cold Stunner at
WrestleMania 23 (and sold it worse than anyone not named Linda McMahon) is the
President-elect of the United States of America?
No. But it happened. If you
were Team Donny, you have the right to be happy. If you were With Her, you have
the right to be sad, angry and other adjectives to connote similar feelings.
But don’t blame 3rd Party voters. If I can go on
a quick tangent, that’d be cool, but if not, skip this part. I’ve seen so many
people on Twitter and other social media platforms bash Gary Johnson and Jill
Stein voters for “handing the election to Trump”. That’s not what America
should be. We see the ads everywhere that say, “Doesn’t matter who its for,
just vote!” But then we belittle people who did just that? Who followed their
moral compass and voted for who they thought was best? So because it wasn’t for
your candidate, they’re wasting a vote? And this would go for Trump people if
the results were different last night. Hell, it goes for Trump people saying a vote for a 3rd Party candidate was voting for Hillary. Look, you may have an argument in swing
states, but don’t tell me voting for Gary Johnson in Massachusetts, where
Donald Trump didn’t win one single county, cost Hillary the White House.
Hillary Clinton was winning Massachusetts, and New York, and California etc.
regardless, so voting 3rd Party did not hurt her when it came to
winning those types of states. If Donald had lost, voting for Jill Stein in
Georgia wouldn’t be the reason why Hillary would be sitting in the White House. So I implore
you to stop blaming 3rd Party voters entirely for the results,
especially when people (I’ve seen ranges from 11,000 to 20,000) legitimately
voted for Harambe, a gorilla who has been dead for 6 months (still RIP in
peace). I can’t help to think squarely in terms of Massachusetts, you know since
I've lived there my whole life. So again, swing states you may have a
point about 3rd Party votes, but to reiterate a phrase that we have
heard and will hear countless times over, now is not the time for division.
Respect that someone voted for who they believed in, just like you did and help
everyone come together. Those voting 3rd Party were voting for the future, the hope that a third option could become relevant. The hope that enough votes would give a third option the necessary funds to better compete with the two sides that we are finding out people don't exactly fit into wholly.
Moving on. The Huffington Post posted an interesting article in which they said they hope the Donald
Trump we saw on the campaign trail is different than the one that takes up
residence in the White House. And I agree. Right now we can hope for that. It
may seem farfetched for some, but try to hold out a little bit of hope. Hope that the campaign is what brings out the worst in people. And I don’t care who it is. Donald Trump. Hillary Clinton. Gary Johnson. Jill
Stein. Harambe. Kanye West. The Ghost of Stonewall Jackson. The Minotaur.
Whoever holds the title of President of the United States of America, you
should be rooting for them to be the best Commander-in-Chief in the history of
this country. Doesn’t matter what side of the political fence you fall on.
You’re still an American who should want America to be prosperous. You don’t
have to like who’s in office, you can hate them with all your might, but if you aren’t hoping they do a phenomenal job
then you aren’t rooting for America. That’s not unity. And unity is what we need, now
more than ever. I have friends who are Hillary supporters, friends who are
Trump supporters, friends who voted 3rd Party, friends who didn’t
vote at all. From all different backgrounds. And I sincerely hope they can all co-exist and remain friends, and I think they will, otherwise I will do the best I can to rebuild those bridges (I fully realize I sound like a massive hardo here, whatever not all heroes wear capes). And this is maybe the biggest
thought that came across the ole brain. Don’t let this election, or any
election, end friendships. If you’re all about Trump and your friend voted for Hillary,
don’t ostracize them. Go play 2K. Go to a movie. Go get some food. Have
conversations. Educate each other. “'Variety is the spice of life'-William
Cowper”-Alex Wong. As Big Hill would say, “Stronger Together”. Or as Scottish
Unionists would say, “Better together”.
Have hope. Keep positive relationships despite politics.
Unity. Unity, unity, unity. Can’t say that enough.
I’m probably the last person someone would think would write
anything on this topic. A lot of people probably don’t care about my thoughts
and that’s cool, really I mean that. I don’t claim to be super-informed on
anything. I don’t pour over political happenings and documents like others. I'm someone who took far too much joy in beating 10-year-olds in basketball over the summer,
routinely wear a man bun, use satire and bad jokes far too often and have an
unhealthy obsession with sports.
So yeah I'm not what one would call an "expert". I'm not someone who necessarily "should be a leader on these subjects". You could say I'm not "very good at growing facial hair". I don't know if any of that has to matter (especially the last one, I'm just trying not to look like the largest 11 year old Chinese girl alive, ok?).
But if you read this and took anything positive from it or
laughed or whatever, that’s a plus in my book (even though I’m a proud member
of the Blake Bortles Wikipedia Page Reading Club, so not a book guy). Like I
said, this was almost more for me just putting a million thoughts onto a word
processor otherwise it was gonna bother me.
If nothing else, remember that Nate Silver's hairline may have taken the biggest L of anyone or anything last night.
(That tweet getting no RTs or Faves was wildly disrespectful if we're being honest)
Now let's go back to arguing over stuff that matters, like whether or not Black Beatles is better than March Madness*.
ALSO, my good (internet) friends KMarko and Big Cat wrote some good pieces on the media and the Twittersphere that I felt I could not do justice in paraphrasing. So read them if you want/can. And I 100% co-sign Big Cat’s final note about living in the Twitter echo chamber and making jokes and admitting that. Big Cat just published another good one here. *Get lost with that trash take. Like I know I just went on a rant where I promoted unity and voting in who you believe in and not discriminating because of that, but March Madness is a Hall of Famer and Black Beatles is like Karl-Anthony Towns or Giannis Antetokounmpo right now, a lot of potential and looking good early on. I mean, I've never seen Chris Brown front flip on beat to Black Beatles...
My car (read: my parent's car I get to use since we have four people who drive in the house) has been a subject of issue in my life for a little bit now. This right here:
This is my car. Or an image of the same model and color as my car. 2009 Mazda CX-7 in Black Cherry, even though it looks more purple-ish, but that's not the point. I've been driving that car since I got my license, coming up on 5 years now. Drove it everyday of high school since halfway through sophomore year. Drove it in rain, sun, heat, snow, cold, all of it. Freshman year of college I left it at home, and even after not being used for months on end, every time I came home it would start right up.
Well last year, probably around end of January/early February, the battery started dying like every week. Every Monday like clock work I'd need a jump. It got to the point where if I knew I was driving, I'd call for a jump start before I even left my room. Before that started happening I can only remember one time it wouldn't start: senior year (I think) after a huge snowstorm. Had to get it towed from the driveway. So I want to say that leaving it outside in the cold isn't the huge issue since it's been left outside in all weather since we got it. It also wouldn't start this past summer in mid-August, so not exactly sweltering heat and also after the issues started happening consistently, and I needed a jump in the driveway so I could drive to work.
I've had the battery changed and checked, and checked, and checked again and keep getting assured there's nothing wrong, that maybe I wasn't driving it enough (even though in the summer I had been driving it at least 5 days a week and went from April to August without battery problems). So the battery issues have expanded beyond cold weather. I have noticed that since driving it every day the past few weeks, the battery has yet to die. But now there's a new issue.
Doing my daily "Drive Aimlessly Because You Need To Make Sure The Battery Doesn't Die" and the check engine light comes on. The past two or so days I had noticed the car didn't feel as powerful as normal, and now that stupid light comes on. Hey, at least the battery isn't dead, right? But why? WHY? Is it because I'm driving too much? Don't think so, but you never know. Sneaky think it may be the long-ass drives I have to and from school. Average like 6 hours each way, 5 times a year. I'm not a car guy necessarily so I have no idea if that would have a huge impact on car performance. And another thing. I see some of these cars around campus that people will leave burned under snow for 3 weeks at a time start up without a problem. Yet my car, which gets shoveled out, brushed off and driven near-daily has all the problems. What gives?
So now I have to find a garage that can take a look at the engine for as cheap as possible since I'm also going through the process of applying for a UK visa, which is the opposite of affordable. As soon as you think you've solved one issue, a new one reveals itself. And all this just to get me to January 9, 2017. That's when I leave for London. That will be the last time I hopefully have to drive that car. Hell, even when I get home in mid-December I can use one of the other 3 cars we have (hopefully). Even just getting to Thanksgiving break (16 days at the time of this writing) so I can have someone else deal with this problem/the constant problems with his car.
I don't know why the past year saw the devolution of my car. But this is an underrated hell.
UPDATE-Tok it to a local garage to get the problem diagnosed. Needed new spark plugs and whatnot. They told me it would be better to change out all four since they were all in the time period for failure given how old they were. And then they quoted me so much money I nearly fainted. I told them I'd just fix the one, thank you. Still costed more than I had in my bank account and I was legitimately dead. I stuttered, "I just need to make a call" and went outside to frantically call my dad who was home and paid for the repairs. Just a horrible experience all around.
It was a season of ups and downs, maybe more of the latter than the former. A rollercoaster of emotions spanning back even before the opening match. I would go as far as to say the turbulence of the 2016 season began in 2015. On October 28, 2015, we witnessed the explosion of Jermaine Jones (If you need a refresher). That incident coupled with Jones' contract demands spelled the end of his time in New England, and he was traded to Colorado on March 4, 2016. So right off the bat the Revs were without their captain and no-nonsense field general since the summer of 2014.
In early February, the Revs signed Xavier Kouassi from FC Sion, possibly a sign early on the Jones would not be back. But then, a week later, Kouassi tore his ACL and was deemed out for the year. And so, it was back to the drawing board. Just after this, Gershon Koffie was brought in from the Vancouver Whitecaps via trade to be the new midfield destroyer.
The season started with hope, and rightfully so. It was a group that had remained largely intact from the playoff exit a few months prior, as well as the MLS Cup Finals run the year before that. There was a plethora of talent, especially looking at the attacking options. Players who, not on New England's roster, could be starting for many of the other squads in the league.
What followed was a bit of a shock. Winless until game #5, and then winless again for another seven matches. Twelve in and they had two wins, three losses and seven draws. A mixed bag in the summer months was followed by the Revolution closing the season in good form, winning five of their final seven league matches.
Mixed in to those results are two major moves. May 12 saw enigmatic striker Kei Kamara traded to New England from Columbus after an incident on the field involving a penalty kick. This of course added to the attack in terms of talent, but also added another body to a group struggling to find consistent minutes. The casualty came in the form of Charlie Davies, a New England native who had been with the Revs since 2013. Davies hadn't played since April 27. He had reportedly picked up a groin injury at that time, and we all thought his absence was because of said injury and subsequent setbacks in recovery. As it turns out, he had been diagnosed with cancer in the spring and had been going through treatment. He announced on July 30 it was in remission. Five days later he was traded to the Philadelphia Union, a move that was right for all parties involved.
This season also saw a run to the final of the US Open Cup, and we learned once again that the Revolution are a team eternally cursed to the position of "Finalists". In a game many saw as one that could redeem the whole season, the Revs were putout to pasture by FC Dallas. The 4-2 scoreline doesn't do justice to just how dominant Dallas was in that one. And so it was back to trying to qualify for the playoffs.
Ultimately its would come down to the final two games of the season. They would need help any way you sliced it. Two wins would make it a hell of a lot easier. They lost to Eastern Conference cellar occupants Chicago Fire, and with that the playoff hopes were dashed. A win in the season finale over Montreal Impact leveled them in points with Philly for the last spot in the postseason, but the goal differential tie-breaker did them in. And so, the final MLS Eastern Conference standings...
That final game of the year is sort of like a reverse Sour Patch Kid: first its sweet, and then its sour. The 3-0 win is a positive, and then you realize how the boys should have, could have, played like that year-long. It makes you want to pull your hair out. How does a team with so much talent miss the playoffs? In the end, it was a slow start, an inability you find identity until the last possible moment, and, for lack of a better phrase, putrid defense. These talking points, among others, are best discussed on their own.
The What If's
It was a season full of these. As a user on Reddit points out, "If Toronto hadn't been a shitfest. If Houston's 2nd goal was ruled offside, if we got the penalty in our home opener against DC, if PRO had decided that the reds they were handing out at the beginning of the season weren't reds before the 9th game of the season". How would this season look if we won a game or two that we drew? Or if we only gave up 2 goals instead of 4?
Draws
Speaking of draws, winning one or two of them early on would have made all the difference in the world. I mean to tie SEVEN OF TWELVE is absurd. Even the fact that they drew 2-2 with Orlando City TWICE, and just 13 DAYS apart is mind boggling. Is that the lack of the clutch gene? I'll let you draw your own conclusions on that one, folks.
Identity
Jay Heaps touched on it in his press conference after the finale. The Revs waited too long to find an identity. It didn't help that they had players in and out with injuries, along with the movement of big time players like Kamara and Davies coming in and leaving, respectively. Injuries happen in sports, that;s a given. But the Revs injuries felt a little different this year. There were so many early on we wondered how Heaps would fill a lineup. In one game Donnie Smith had to play through a muscle strain because three substitutions had already been made. Davies was out for extended time due to cancer. Kelyn Rowe had a spell in the hospital with small intestine issues leading up to a 2-0 loss late in the season to Columbus, a game that, had he played in, could have been a difference maker in when this season-ending post was published. The lack of consistent identity is detrimental to any team, and we saw that play out with the Rev this year.
Defense
They were awful. Horrible. Disgusting. Putrid. Every other synonym to convey that sentiment. They STUNK. This is mainly aimed at the central defense, because Chris Tierney and Andrew Farrell (when he played outside) were for the most part their usual selves. Jose Gonclaves, London Woodberry and Darrius Barnes were bad. Je-vaughn Watson did a good job when filling in, but he's not a natural center back, and was also injured a bit this season. The -10 goal differential was 2nd-worst in the entire league, behind Chicago's -16. The offense scored 41 goals, about 1.21 goals per game. To give up 51 is unacceptable. The defense isn't the only factor. Bobby Shuttleworth regressed this year. He was eventually replaced by Brad Knighton, who was worlds better.
Woodwork
The Revs hit the post or crossbar 25 times this season. Twenty. Five. That's 25 possible goals. More than enough to make a difference in this season. Nothing to say here other than, well, shit. Better luck next time. Or not, because we are the Revs.
Time to answer a few questions...
Heaps In, or Heaps Out?
The question that has been asked all year by Revs fans. It reminds me of the schism in the Arsenal fanbase. "Arsene Knows Best" vs. "Wenger Out Brigade". I'm not trying to compare Arsenal and the Revs, or Heaps and Wenger, but the feeling is similar. A lot of people want Heaps gone, and with some validity. That bit on waiting too long to find identity? That's on Heaps. He stuck with the failing 4-2-3-1 formation for FAR too long before finally switching it up to a 4-4-2 Diamond and experimenting with a three-man backline in the finale. He stuck with Bobby for too long when he was clearly out of form. It seemed like he just couldn't get the players up for games. There was almost a lack of fire and desire from Heaps' bunch, something I never thought I'd see from such a fiery guy. In the end, though, I keep Heaps for bit longer, albeit with the shortest leash imaginable. A stretch even remotely like the one we saw earlier this season and he's out. Even 0-2-1 to start a season and I kick him to the curb. He needs to start as strong as possible to open the 2017 campaign.
What About The Front Office?
I keep them to, with one exception. Mike Burns, the general manager, needs to go. The Reddit rumor is that AJ Soares, the Revs best defender from the 2014 season, was working out in Orlando over the summer. When asked if he would return to New England, he apparently said not if Mike Burns was still with the club. The biggest indictment on Burns is the fact he didn't replace Soares after 2014. He's had two offseasons now, and nothing to show for it other than a defense that gets older and gets worse. Get Burns out, and get someone in who'll address the defense.
Was Kei Kamara A Success?
It's not as black and white as I'd like. He scored seven goals for the Revs, tied for the best on the team, in 21 games. He was supposed to come with baggage, but form the outside looking in I saw none. He moved the needle a little bit, not as much as the Jones signing in 2014, but enough to draw eyes to the team. He added skill to the team, and a new dynamic with the aerial ability. We never really saw that ability come to fruition here for whatever reason; maybe they were forcing it too much early on and got discouraged. His 79 career goals ranks him second among active MLS players.
Did we expect more goals from him? In short, yeah, we did. But I think he adds more than what shows up on stat sheets. His mere presence on a field changes how a defense can play us. They have to always take him into account, and pairing with the likes of Juan Agudelo and Diego Fagundez especially up top made all of them more dangerous. I wouldn't call him a responding success this season, but he was hardly a bust. Final Grade: B-/C+
Was Lee Nguyen A One Hit Wonder?
Well, yes and no. I don't think he'll ever re-create that 2014 season, in which he notched 18 goals and five assists while being a finalist for MLS MVP. But he hasn't been bad since then either. Last year teams focused on stopping him, and he still scored seven goals while setting up 10. This year he nearly mirrored that production, equaling his assists and putting home one fewer goal. He's been much more of a playmaker than a scorer the past two years, which is what he is at his core. He's not meant to be a goal scorer, but rather someone pulling the strings. He's still very good, but maybe in ways not outrightly noticeable.
Looking to the offseason...
Areas of Need
Defense, defense, defense. DEFENSE. We need to find one or two good central defenders. I don;t care how it comes. Trade within the league, the draft, an international signing. Any way you can find help, you do it. One name I've seen floated out there is Branislav Ivanovic from Chelsea FC. He's not one of Antonio Conte's favorites, and could be on his way out soon. He's 32 and would cost a pretty penny, but has proven talent that could make a world of difference. Not to mention he comes with a bit of piss and vinegar this team could use, especially along the back line. He's played right back mostly, but has experience int he middle, and could be shifted there seeing as he's not getting younger. Whatever way you slice it, we need defense.
Who's Back, and Who's Not?
This is especially relevant given the fact there will be an expansion draft coming up. They can protect 11, with Designated Player's auto-protected, and players on Homegrown deals are exempt. The Revs can only lose one player in the Expansion Draft. I'll analyze this more when the draft gets closer.
It's easier to talk about who won't be back versus who will be back. I will mention that Xavier Kouassi should be ready to go for training camp as he started with light work at the end of the season. I wouldn't be surprised to see Teal Bunbury gone, either in the draft or via a different move to make money for a defender. He looks to be expendable now, especially if we're sticking to a 4-4-2 Diamond. There's always the chance Heaps goes back to the 4-2-3-1 and plays both Kouassi and Caldwell, but that would be foolish given how we looked in the new formation. Bobby Shuttleworth should be gone. He was bad this year and had his job taken by Brad Knighton. Now with Cody Cropper in the mix, Bobby's time is up. Any of our central defenders could be gone, really. Woodberry has some potential, so I can see why they would want to keep him. They were just so bad this year.
Kei's 32 and signed an extension through 2018 with Columbus before being traded to New England. I know people are all for trading him away, but he paired well with Juan up top, and with Lee Nguyen, Rowe and Fagundez under them. I want to see what he can do next season with this squad.
Gershon Koffie may leave in order to pursue options in Europe. The midfield has some depth,a dn losing him wouldn't be the end of the world. Obviously I'd like to keep him, but we could get by without Koffie.
This section will be easier to talk about as the offseason progresses, obviously.
Cropper vs. Knighton
Expanding own this narrative, Cody Cropper needs to be protected in the Expansion Draft. He looked solid in his debut during the finale. He's a US National Team prospect. He was given the #1 jersey when he signed, and I want him to go earn it. Knighton took the starting spot and never looked back this year. There's a competition to be had here. Knighton was very good this season, but Cropper has the potential to be better. He could be the long-term keeper for this team, and a top-tier one at that. Let these two duke it out in preseason.
Onto the awards...
MVP
Juan Agudelo made a late push, but Kelyn Rowe was the MVP of this team all year. He really started to show this when Heaps made the formation change, and the 24-year-old was played more centrally than in years past. It was a noticeable difference when he was in the game. When he was not, the Revs looked lost out there. He scored five and assisted seven, but the stats don't tell the whole story. He was a creator, the engine behind the Revs attack. Rowe was near the top of his game this season, and things might have been even worse without him there. He was also signed to a contract extension this year, meaning more to come from him.
Goal of the Year
All the way back to game #1 for this Diego beauty.
Not back from an injury, but back to the Juan we knew he could be.
Superstition of the Year
Revs went undefeated when Lee wore the headband this season. Not saying, but not not saying either. Stay woke.
The team awards announced on the final day of the season: MVP-Kelyn Rowe, Defender of the Year-Chris Tierney (led all MLS defenders in chances created [48] and combined crosses and corners [198], while he tied for first in big chances created [six]), Players' Player of the Year-Brad Knighton, Humanitarian of the Year-Kelyn Rowe (3rd consecutive year), Golden Boot-Juan Agudelo (7 goals tied with Kei Kamara, won on assists tie-breaker, five to two), Academy Player of the Year-Justin Rennicks (2nd consecutive year).
That just about does it for me. It has been quite the time covering this team this season. The few times I got out to a game were great as well. #TAILGATESZN countdown is already starting for next season, and it should be a great one. I'll post on the Revs whenever there's a big update, player moves, the Expansion Draft, etc. And I'll hopefully see you in the preseason. The two months of the regular season next year might get a little less coverage since I'll be in London and unable to watch games live, or at least at a decent hour. I'll try my best though.
Without further ado, cue the music one last time. Go Revs.
