Scientists Discover Just How Much Pee Is In Our Swimming Pools

The Guardian-It is an antisocial act that normally goes under the radar, but many swimmers have long suspected the truth: people are peeing in the pool.

Now scientists have been able to confirm the full extent of offending for the first time, after developing a test designed to estimate how much urine has been covertly added to a large volume of water. Regular swimmers with a keen sense of hygiene may wish to stop reading now.

The test works by measuring the concentration of an artificial sweetener, acesulfame potassium (ACE), that is commonly found in processed food and passes through the body unaltered.

Big news coming out today. They finally found out a way to actually tell you how much of your pool is made up of pee. Now when I first saw the headline, my first thought was "All of it". It's all pee, especially for public pools. And I thought that was validated when The Guardian wrote that regular swimmers with a keen sense of hygiene may want to stop reading the report. I was thinking we would be getting a South Park situation.

And as that episode told us, acceptable pee levels for water parks is about 83%, so I figure public pools are around 45% for acceptable pee levels before the structure of the pool is compromised. 

But then I read this part: "After tracking the levels of the sweetener in two public pools in Canada over a three-week period they calculated that swimmers had released 75 litres of urine – enough to fill a medium-sized dustbin – into a large pool (about one-third the size of an Olympic pool) and 30 litres into a second pool, around half the size of the first."

First of all, tracking the pee in public pools in Canada...

"Sorrey for all the urine! We didn't stop on the way back from Manitoba! Sorrey!"



This part-"75 litres of urine"-made me think I was validated. Well I am also not good with any sort of units of measurement, especially when it comes to the liquids. Ounces, liters (get out of my face with your spelling, United Kingdom), the only pint I know is when I order one at a pub. So I really had no clue what I was actually looking at. But they clarified it in terms I can understand.


"...enough to fill a medium-sized dustbin – into a large pool (about one-third the size of an Olympic pool) and 30 litres into a second pool, around half the size of the first."

Are you kidding me? That's nothing! A medium-sized dustbin of piss in a pool 1/3 the size of an Olympic pool? Half a fist of piss in another pool? That's basically like adding more water to the pool. I could be in the pool and you could pour a medium-sized dustbin of pee into the water in front of my eyes, and I probably wouldn't even notice. Practically zero urine in those pools. I did love this part though...

"The findings make for unwelcome reading, but swimmers might find some comfort in the measurements from eight hot tubs, which were found to have far higher urine levels. One hotel Jacuzzi had more than three times the concentration of sweetener than in the worst swimming pool."

People piss more in hot tubs than pools? Really, you don't say! Of course they (we) do. Hot tubs are filled with piss-warm water as it is, we think we can be discreet and add some more warm liquid to the mixture of hot water and gross body runoff. Add in the bubbles and jets in the hot tub and you basically have the perfect sit-in toilet. Nice and relaxing for you to empty your bladder and have it be instantly swirled around to mask any trace of yellow. I think my goal for wealth should be to own a hot tub solely for urinating in. That's luxury. 




Frankly, I am fairly underwhelmed by this study. I may just maintain the line of thinking that public pools are essentially all pee just because you have to believe in something. Never meet your heroes, and never read a scientific study debunking all your piss-in-the-pool myths. 




PS-A few other parts I liked:


*"Lindsay Blackstock, a graduate student at the University of Alberta, Edmonton, and lead author, said: “Our study provides additional evidence that people are indeed urinating in public pools and hot tubs.”

You didn't need science to tell you people pee in pools, Lindsay. Throw your "additional evidence" out the window. The sky is blue, the sun rises in the east, and people love peiing in pools.

*"Michael Phelps, agreed it was acceptable behaviour. “I think everybody pees in the pool,” he said. “Chlorine kills it, so it’s not bad.”

Love this line of thinking from Phelps. Chlorine kills pee, so it's basically like you never even peed. Genius. 

PPS-I am forever scarred by public pools because of one incident at Disney World. In 7th grade my family went down to Florida (my brother was like 4 at the time, before you think of questioning my reasoning for being there) and stayed at the Polynesian Resort (Tahiti lodge stand up) because it is without a doubt the best of the resorts there and I will not hear any argument or slander on the subject. Well one night after dinner we decided to go to one of the pools. Now I haven't been there since, but if nothing has changed then there's a volcano slide at the pool, and a cave song the side you could run through to get form one end of the pool to the other. Well I went running through the cave and stepped in something. Didn't know what it was and since it was dark didn't stop to look. Just sort of assumed someone had dropped food. Well I get out of the cave to where it's lighter out, and wouldn't you know, I had stepped in someones poop. FUCKING DISGUSTING. I had legit shellshocked, as if I had just stepped off the front lines at the Battle of the Somme in WWI. I was paralyzed. Finally, I come to my senses and hop over to a grassy patch to wipe my foot off. I then go to rinse my foot in one of those foot showers they have. the whole time I am practically fighting back tears. How could this happen to me at such a magical place? ( I had yet to truly learn the types of vile beasts that venture to Disney in Florida). Well I haven't been to Disney since then, also largely in part due to the fact I am 21 with younger siblings who have also outgrown the mystique of Disney. I've been to maybe 2 public pools since. The point of this story is to say public pools and public hot tubs are for peasants and only bad things can happen at those places.