The Correct Greatest Wrestler of All-Time Bracket (Part Deux)

PART 1 HERE

Back at it and we're on to our second region of the first round: The Flair Region. Now I know I said it in the first installment but some of these rankings are absurd, but we aren't changing anything. We move.

(1) Ric Flair v. (16) Christian

                             

                                 

I never really realized it before but Christian might have a Hall of Fame resume on his hands. He made his bread in the late-90's to early-2000's as part of a wildly popular and talented tag team with Edge, including being a part of The Brood and The Undertaker's Ministry of Darkness. Edge and Christian would go on to have critically acclaimed tag team matches against the likes of the Hardy Boyz and the Dudley Boyz, including ladder and TLC matches that captivated audiences. He's got plenty of singles titles as well, including being WWE World Heavyweight Champion twice. And yet, he can't move on here. He has to go up against one of the winningest men in pro wrestling history. Ric Flair is recognized as winning the World Title 16 times across 3 major promotions, a feat only matched by John Cena. Flair is a legend in every sense of the word. He even made just saying "WOO!" popular. He's the Rolex wearin’, diamond ring wearin’, limousine ridin’, jet flying’, kiss stealin’, wheelin’ dealin’,  son of a gun! He's the Dirtiest Player in the Game! He's Space Mountain--Oldest Ride, Longest Line! The Nature Boy! One of the greatest talkers in history!

This is also one of the best videos in existence...

WINNER: RIC FLAIR

(8) AJ Styles v. (9) Charlotte Flair

                                       

                                 

Here's one of the weirdest matchups based on bad seeding. AJ Styles has been one of the best, if not the best, wrestlers on the planet since like 2005. Aside from height the man has it all, and even then he's still 5'11". He has been the top-top guy in every company he's worked for. He was one of the main draws forever on TNA and Ring of Honor, was given a rocket pack when he joined New Japan as the new leader of Bullet Club and given an IWGP Heavyweight (possibly the most prestigious title in all of wrestling) feud right of the bat, and then went to his longest rival, WWE, and became the face of that company for a bit. He oozes talent in every facet. How he's an 8-seed is nuts. And then we have maybe the best female in the history of the industry too. Look at that picture of Charlotte Flair and tell me she doesn't seem like a born winner. Now, that is in large part to being the daughter of Ric Flair--she most certainly has clout backstage and is simply one of the more gifted athletes in WWE today. She's been dominant from the jump and helped usher in a true revolution in women's wrestling. It's a tough call but in this case I have to go with the longevity and ability to be the best no matter where you go.

WINNER: AJ STYLES

(5) Sting v. (12) Matt Hardy

                                      

                                    

Sting's nickname is literally "The Icon". His legendary career spanned over 30 years and saw him as the face of both WCW and TNA, winning title after title. He had never even set foot in a WWE arena until November 2014, when he finally joined the company nobody thought he would. 

I mean that pop for an over-the-hill guy who was going to end up getting beaten in his only big WWE match is incredible. The arena would go NUTS for Stinger well past his prime, thats the kind of legacy he's built up. One of the best "Silent Killer" type of characters ever, he was also able to tweak things every so often, going from "Surfer Sting" when he debuted in the 80's to the baseball-bat-wielding "Crow Sting" in WCW and even having a run as "Joker Sting" where he tormented Hulk Hogan in TNA: 

                               

Opposing him is another one of the best character creators in recent memory. Matt Hardy is best known to most for his part in the popular Hardy Boyz tag team with younger brother Jeff, as well as his moderate success as a singles competitor which included a real life, bad blood feud with Edge over Matt's real life girlfriend and fellow wrestler Lita leaving him for his tag team rival. It wasn't until he and Jeff were both in TNA recently that one of the most talked about storylines in modern wrestling began. "Broken" Matt Hardy was nothing short of a phenomenon that got a lot of people back into wrestling. He had arenas all over the world just chanting "DELETE!" over and over again. 

                                   

The "Broken" saga is so detailed and lengthy that I'll just link to a good summary from years ago. The story has gone even further from there, but rest assured that Matt Hardy is a mad genius. I think I'm insane for doing it, or maybe I'm just... broken... but I'm giving Matt Hardy the edge here. Sorry Sting, but--

                                   

WINNER: MATT HARDY

(4) Kurt Angle v. (13) Dustin Rhodes

                                  

                                 

Dustin Rhodes, better known as Goldust, is the son of the legendary Dusty Rhodes and portrayed one of the most bizarre characters I have ever seen. 

It would be easy to say that Goldust is his only legacy but the reality is that Dustin Rhodes has become one of the most respected people in the business. His smarts are clearly an inheritance from his dad and he's put it to good use recently as a sort of consultant and backstage dynamo for his younger brothers venture as a promoter. He just can't hold a candle to Kurt Angle, though. Angle is a legitimate Olympic gold medalist, winning the heavyweight division in amateur wrestling at the 1996 Summer Games in Atlanta. Not only that, but he achieved that feat with a BROKEN FREAKIN'  NECK, and then he turned that into his catchphrase! Kurt Angle is a pure genetic freak and one of the most well-rounded performers ever seen. He couples his mantra of "Intensity, Integrity, Intelligence" with some of the better comedic acting chops in WWE history. He played every role so well and was an awe-inspiring in-ring performer. The man is adored the world over with good reason. He's given us legendary moments even when he's just walking down the entrance ramp... 

Oh it's true! It's DAMN true!

WINNER: KURT ANGLE

(6) Jeff Hardy v. (11) Harley Race

                                

                               

I have to be frank, Jeff Hardy is one of my all-time favorites so my bias is going to show. The Rainbow Haired Warrior has teamed with older brother Matt throughout his career and has enjoyed good singles success when he gets to fly solo. Due to his thrilling move set, creative look and lack of fear he became a fan favorite instantly. He wasn't some ripped body builder and he wasn't a 7-foot monster. He was the dude you'd buy weed from and then see working at Blockbuster a few hours later, except he was a real life super hero flying off ladders at 20 feet in the air. His triumphs often brought out the greatest emotion. He has the unpleasant task of trying to knock off the man even Ric Flair said he tried to emulate in all facets of life. Harley Race is incredibly accomplished and described as the one true WORLD heavyweight champion. Tough as nails, he didn't need flashy robes or cool music. He didn't need to flip around. He was a brawler through and through, blending street fighting with traditional wrestling and captivating his audience as he went. Harley Race is a legends legend. But I love that Charismatic Enigma...

WINNER: JEFF HARDY

(3) Bret Hart v. (14) Billy Graham 

                               

                              

"Superstar" Bill Graham was a trailblazer for Vince McMahon's promotion in the late 70's, and his proteges include the likes of Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Hulk Hogan (super easy to see where Hogan got his look from). He was a good friend and training partner of Arnold Schwarzenegger, meaning he was most certainly one of the larger than life giants that Vinny Mac loves. Nowadays he's best known for his facial hair...

                  

                              

... and for being a bit of a critical asshole the it comes to today's crop of performers. He's suggested that men like Kofi Kingston and Adam Cole are too small to be top guys and should take steroids, while neglecting the fact that both men would wrestle CIRCLES around him. Suffice it to say, he won't be moving on. Even if I liked him, he doesn't just go past The Excellence of Execution, Bret "The Hitman" Hart. A student of the legendary Hart Dungeon, Bret Hart has been one of the most notable pro wrestlers to grace a mat. His look is legendary; his finisher, the Sharpshooter, is legendary; his entrance music is legendary; he's been part of many a legendary moment, including the infamous Montreal Screwjob. In a tag team with Jim Neidhart as the Hart Foundation or as a singles competitor battling for the gold, as a heel or as a face, it did not matter cause Bret Hart was going to wow you. He also has one of the best nicknames ever: The Best There Is, The Best There Was, And The Best There Ever Will Be. 

WINNER: BRET HART

(7) Triple H v. (10) Trish Stratus

                                 

                                

Another weird matchup but we play with the cards we are dealt I suppose. Triple H has proven to be one of the most important figures in wrestling history, for better or for worse. His range alone is so impressive: Connecticut blue blood Hunter Hearst Helmsley, D-Generation-X funny man, scary King of Kings, The Game, leader of the stable Evolution, evil corporate authority figure with real life wife Stephanie McMahon (yep, Vince's daughter, he actually married the bosses daughter AFTER a storyline where he married her in Vegas while she was unconscious). He is one of the men responsible with "exposing the business" due to the MSG-Kliq incident. He now serves primarily as the head of WWE NXT and a major player in WWE's talent development and recruiting efforts. There's a really good chance he gets a lot of power if/when Vince steps away, and fans are excited at that idea due to his incredible work with NXT. Now, Trish Stratus is a legend in her own right. She's sort of the Charlotte Flair of her generation, and she was WAY too good for her generation. She would be thriving if she was in her prime right now. She was an innovator and a main reason so many of the current crop of female wrestlers even got their start. But she just has an unlucky draw here. 

WINNER: TRIPLE H 

(2) John Cena v. (15) The Iron Sheik

                                   

                                 

John Cena is WWE's response to Superman. No one has "overcome the odds" more than Big Match John. He is the joint-leader in World titles won at 16, sharing that honor with Ric Flair. Pena is not the most gifted wrestler when speaking technically, but the dude knows how to build a match. His ring psychology and charisma are perhaps his greatest assets as a performer, aside from his otherworldly physique. Mr. Hustle Loyalty Respect is also one of the best march movers I have ever seen, the man had a new t-shirt like every time he was on camera and always had the matching hat and rally towel to go along with it. His early work as the Dr. of Thuganomics wearing throwback sports jerseys and rapping about his opponents is also something fans LOVE going back to. He;s had some of the most iconic feuds ever, such as his program with Edge in the mid-2000's that produced classics and elevated both men to stardom. The Iron Sheik, on the other hand, played the foil to Cena's greatest comp.: Hulk Hogan. Sheik was the Iranian bad boy to the Hulkster's "real American", and was known for his use of the "Camel Clutch" submission, leading to his famous phrase: "Break his back, make him humble!" He's al;so known for the spitting and his hilarious, intense promos and Tweets. 

                               

                                  

                                   

Despite how funny Sheik is, you have to give this one to the one you cannot see.

WINNER: JOHN CENA 

Region #3 is up next.....

The Correct Greatest Wrestler of All-Time Bracket

So Blackjack Fletcher put out a Greatest Wrestler of All-Time bracket and to say it piqued my interest is a fair assessment. I figure I know the biz (that's what people in the know call it, nbd) well enough to have some credible takes. The first round for said bracket is complete and some of the results are what drove me to make the corrected version; I won't get into those now since they can be covered as we go through them. There is also an issue with some of the seeding, but I won't be changing any of it. We're just gonna go as its presented to us.

To make it manageable I'm thinking we do one round and one region per post, so we'll start with the "Hogan Region".

(1) Hulk Hogan v. (16) Sycho Sid

                          

Originally going by names like Sid Justice and Sid Vicious, Sycho Sid (on the left in that photo) was at one time billed as the new Hulk Hogan (on the right), and it was easy to see why. Standing 6'9" and weighing 317 lbs with the flowing blonde hair, he was two inches and 15 lbs larger than the Hulkster. The two had a feud that included the main event of WrestleMania VIII, which Hogan won by disqualification. Sid had a nice career, don't get me wrong. But Hulk Hogan is the OG wrestling superstar. He also has a fantastic Twitter account:

WINNER: HULK HOGAN

(8) Edge v. (9) Goldberg

                                                                  

                           

Two staples of their eras that overlapped a little. Bill Goldberg went from playing in the NFL to having a 173-match undefeated streak in WCW, and is widely regarded as one of the most dominant and athletic pro wrestlers of all time. His run in WWE was less glamorous which tarnishes some of his legacy, but not by a lot. Edge, meanwhile, is one of the slimiest, sleaziest, best heels in history. His feuds with Matt Hardy and John Cena in the early to mid-2000s is some of the best villain work I have ever seen. But at the same time, the dude was incredibly talented and has been adored for years. His career was over after a bad neck injury but he recently made a return. Edge takes the edge and I am going to kick my own ass for that pun. 

WINNER: EDGE

(5) Ultimate Warrior v. (12) Diamond Dallas Page

                             

You know how you love those "RKO outta nowhere" memes? Well DDP is basically responsible for that trend. The innovator of the "Diamond Cutter", which is the precursor to Randy Orton's "RKO", Diamond Dallas Page had a very solid career in the ring but he has arguably made the greatest impact in his post-competition days. He runs DDP Yoga, which people from all walks of life have credited with not only getting them in shape, but getting their lives together as well. Opposite him is perhaps one of the most insane and hyper humans to walk the planet. Almost no one can match Warriors intensity. 

 

(seriously, go down a rabbit hole of Ultimate Warrior promos)

WINNER: ULTIMATE WARRIOR 

(4) The Undertaker v. (13) British Bulldog

                           

Look, British Bulldog is a legend and I fully acknowledge that. But we are talking about The Undertaker here. The Deadman should be a 2-seed AT LEAST. 

WINNER: THE UNDERTAKER

(6) Eddie Guerrero v. (11) Kane 

                            

                               

                               

Potentially one of the harder to call matchups in the first round. Eddie's passing in 2005 cut short what was looking to be a great end to a career, while Kane has had longevity matched only by the greatest of the great. Kane even serves as the mayor of Know County, TN right now, the man just knows what he's doing. As a big man, Kane definitely did not have the repertoire of moves and technicality Eddie did, but his character work was top-tier and he played his big man role as well as anyone could. Where he runs into trouble is the fact that Eddie also had amazing character work and the over-the-top skills to boot. Him winning the WWE Title form Brock Lesnar in 2004 is one of the signature moments in modern wrestling: 

He Lies, He Cheats, He Steals! VIVA LA RAZA.

WINNER: EDDIE GUERRERO 

(3) Chris Jericho v. (14) Sgt. Slaughter 

                           

                          

Sgt. Slaughter had one of the more shocking heel turns in history strictly based on the fact he went from the consummate American military man to an Iraqi sympathizer for no reason other than he believed the US had gone soft while the Iraqi government were brutal, something that really got his blood flowing. But he, like British Bulldog, has run into a buzzsaw. Y2J is arguably one of the best of all-time all things considered. He's spanned multiple decades, held title after title and been the top guy in every major promotion he's ever worked for. Chris Jericho is one of the greatest wrestling minds we have ever seen, and the fact he is still going stronger than ever as he approaches his 50s is not to be taken lightly. Not to mention he got a goddamn LIST over. He actually made people cheer for some paper on a clipboard. 

WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO

(7) Pat Patterson v. (10) X-Pac

                            

                                 

                                

X-Pac was wildly popular as a sort of common man amongst the immortals. His comedy tag team with Kane is generally thought of as a huge success and his runs in DX and NWO really elevate him. Pat Patterson, on the other hand, is one of the forefathers of the WWE. He is the inaugural Intercontinental Champion and creator of the Royal Rumble match. He also serves as a producer and as Vince McMahon's right hand man. Pat Patterson is a huge reason why WWE is such a global monster, not all for his in-ring product but for what he brings behind the scenes. 

WINNER: PAT PATTERSON

(2) The Rock v. (15) Vader 

                                

                                

Vader was good. But this is The Rock he's up against. As in the jabroni-beating, pie eating, trailblazing, eyebrow raising, step off the break, put your foot on the gas, always ready to whoop some ass, People's Champ, The Rock. 

I could watch Rock highlights all day for multiple days. There is nothing the man was not good at. He was an athletic monster with charisma, so his matches would deliver in some way, and he was GOLD on the mic, so even if he wasn't wrestling you're still entertained. His catalog is so deep, the mans hits just keep going. And if you think I'm wrong...

WINNER: THE ROCK

Next installment coming at some point...

Spending Your COVID Check

If you need a refresher on whats been going on the past few weeks then you have far bigger problems at hand than spending money, but if you're caught up and are wondering about your government 'Rona check, then you've found the right place. For all the details on the stimulus checks and econmics that are above my pay grade (it's $0, my pay grade for this is $0) then check out the breakdown by The Guardian. The gist of it is that, depending on your income and other factors such as marriage status, you could be getting a check for up to $1,200 from the US government to aid in the fallout from COVID19. Now obviously you could be responsible and save that money, put it towards rent, food for your kids, toilet pap - nope, its sold out now - or other essentials for surviving a quarantine. Talking batteries, your basic soups, things of that nature.

HOWEVER.

If you want some ideas for how to make that check really work for you and provide you entertainment so you don't go clinically insane, then welcome aboard and please enjoy your journey.

Drugs: Need to preface with "Not a drug guy", cause I'm not a drug guy. Now that that's out fo the way: A surefire way to make everyhting else you do in your dwelling way more fun is drugs. RESPONSIBLE drug use should A) be legalized during quarantine and B) be a priority and encouraged. You're bored and on your 3rd watch of Parks and Rec? Enter cannabis, which will make it way more interesting! Eyes about to bleed from looking at Excel in your bedroom for the 5th straight hour? Transcend the spreadsheets with some shrooms and find inner peace! Need to quickly finish that work because you spent half a day tripping sack on magic mushrooms and examing the surface of every golf ball you find under your bed? Cocaine can help you there! Now I'm not advocating for ALL drug use. I would recommend not turning to things like meth or opium, just keep it in the sort of socially acceptable range. Coke, pot, acid, shrooms, MDMA, peyote, DMT, the usuals. Things that'll really open your eyes and make you think Vishnu is sitting on your recliner.

What better way to make the days go by like cinematic mode on Red Dead II than by going on a multi-day vision quest with some top of the line ayahuasca? You reach a deep spiritual understanding of the cosmos while also passing from Tuesday to Friday in no time. Sure, you'll puke and think you have Big Rona, but in reality you're actually just exploring the space-time continuum on a rainbow made of Jimi Hendrix's silken linens. Any way you slice it, drugs will make basically everyhting you do way more fun, something desperately needed for the weeks and months ahead. PS-still not a drug guy

A Subscription to an Onlyfans Account: Almost every industry has been impacted in some way by the pandemic. Even those like medical suppliers are so swamped and in need of extreme precaution, putting a lot added strain on the workers. But the industry that has perhaps been most negatively impacted by Coronavirus is Instagram models. Instagram being a free app means they rely on advertisements from small p̶y̶r̶a̶m̶i̶d̶ ̶s̶c̶h̶e̶m̶e̶s̶ startups, and traveling to exotic locations on the dime of a 5'7" divorced lawyer with two kids or a Saudi prince is a major part of their income and ability to post thirst traps. Travel bans and social distancing means flying to Tulum or Dubai is out of the question at this point, and I'd venture to guess that most flat tummy tea companies won't survive the economic fallout, meaning Instagram models will need to turn to a new source of revenue. Enter Onlyfans.

Now we have a way to give our government checks directly to our favorite InstaThots without a middle man that makes you poop your guts out while still getting something in return. Sure, that return is probably 20% of what you can see on some… *other*… websites, but you'll have the peace of mind that your favorite Fashion Nova model has a steady income of your money, especially when you forget to un-subscribe for 4 months but remember to do so when she starts posting with some crossfit guy who looks like Thor ate Thor and became Double Thor.

Tom Landry's Hat: Homer Simpson was cut the fattest of checks by Hank Scorpio when he moved to Cypress Creek. With his new wealth he was able to purchase Tom Landry's hat while strolling through town with the fmaily one day. Folks, you're about to receive money from the government, put it to use and buy Tom Landry's hat so we may all be more efficient and, God-willing, someday own the Dallas Cowboys.

Hardtack: You know what the original settlers lived on? A humble marriage of water and flour. And if you were maybe a high roller, you could get that but with salt. Know who's a high roller now? That's right, it's you! Stock up on salted hardtack to harken back to the days of your ancestors dying of Cholera and wearing buckles on their hats. Guaranteed to last as long as this quarantine and then some. That's like 20,000% ROI.

Hypebeast Surgical Masks: Look, if you have to wear a mask during this you might as well get a fit off while you're at it. Show your parents, your roommates, your animals that you still have the drip despite not leaving your house for a week and a half. Optional are the E-boy hair part, single dangling crucifix earring and proclivity to use the purple devil emoji when texting your crush, "what wud u do if we were quaratined together nd i kissed you lol 😈😈😈".

Boxes of Tissues: Whole lotta time on our hands and your crush left you on read after that text you just sent with the purple devil emojis. You also have that Onlyfans subscription now. Just make sure you save some Kleenex in case you get sick or have a bloody nose from the cocaine.

Perishable Food Items: I know I have hardtack, which could survive a nuclear blast, on this list but that's just one aspect of what you're diet should include while locked down. If you're like me, you've been stocking up on frozen items and food that can last you a while. At the same time, if you're like me then you've also been holding off on eating that food in case the worst case scenario happens and you can't even go buy food in the future. The solution to this problem is to spend your COVID CASH on food that you need to eat ASAP. Now you may be thinking I'm talking items like raw chicken breast, eggs, milk, lettuce, etc. What I'm really talking about is things like raw clams and live snowcrab. Things that are encased in a shell so you won't get the virus form eating them but that you need to eat basically on the way home from the store otherwise they'll spoil or attack you. I don't care what you say, if you buy an alive snowcrab and think you're just going to toss that in the fridge until Friday night, you are sorely mistaken. You better have your pot on a rolling boil when you step through that front door cause that sucker needs to go right in as you melt the butter. Eating like a king on quarantine and making sure you don't just stash your food for when you really need it.

Those are just a handful of things you can put your hard-earned virus money towards. If you're going insane and need some things to entertain you, consider some of those options, or others like them.