Celtics Rookie Robert Williams Has Shot Up My Draft Board After Discovering The Press Conference Gatorade Is Fake

Robert Williams began making a name for himself almost instantly when he slept past his post-draft conference call with reporters and then missed a flight and, as a result, the first Celtics Summer League practice. He has since attempted to remedy this by buying an apartment next to the team practice facility in the city, but those of us that are woke know the truth.

Robertwilliam, as named by The Riffs Man, is actually a Time Lord, another title betrothed by The Riffs Man, and he did not miss these events due to maturity issues as the media would lead you to believe. No, Robertwilliam was actually very much at these events, but in different time periods and dimensions altogether. Thats life as a Time Lord, you are not constrained by clocks of any manner and travel freely throughout the cosmos.

Aside from ripping apart the space-time continuum as we know it with Kyrie Irving, Robertwilliam has now added to his resume.

Robert Williams III learned with many of us that the Gatorade on press conference tables is often fake. He tried to drink it when he sat down. It's solid plastic. pic.twitter.com/9ub3H8iuXk

— Ryan Nagelhout (@ryannagelhout) September 24, 2018

Robert Williams sat down and asked if he could drink the Gatorade at the desk. He was told is was just for show. pic.twitter.com/HsAbtJqVxN

— Chris Grenham (@chrisgrenham) September 24, 2018

Robert Williams was curious if he could drink the Gatorade. Celtics PR: “I think that’s just for show. We’ll get you another one.” pic.twitter.com/c1ZV6BfILy

— Nicole Yang (@nicolecyang) September 24, 2018

That's as galaxy-brained as it gets if we're being honest. First off, the unmitigated gall to request to have his thirst quenched by the Gatorade that we've always seen on the table for NBA pressers. I don't think anyone in history has ever asked if they can drink that. In fact, I'm pretty sure a large portion of professional athletes don't even drink Gatorade at all; they have the resources readily available to tell them, "No, do not put that in your body, here drink this science thing that's a million times better for you and also not available to the plebeians watching from the stands."

So not only has Robertwilliam gone and done the thing like a true madlad, but he's uncovered a potential conspiracy along the way. After all this time we learn that the Gatorade on display during pressers is actually just plastic. There's no Gatorade in that thing! I bet there's never been anything close to Gatorade in it!

This is Country Time lemonade mix! There's never been anything close to a lemon in it! I swear! pic.twitter.com/PXpUiXGU0R

— The Simpsons (@Simpsons_tweets) May 23, 2016

Robertwilliam on some Encyclopedia Brown shit. Motherfuccing Cam Jansen.

As a result of being a Time Lord who may or may not have a role in defeating Thanos, as well as being a part-time sleuth uncovering Gatorade mysteries, I must move Robertwilliam to the very top of my Draft Board.