LEE NGUYEN IS BACK!!!

 

NEW BLOG ON THE BOY BEING BACK

Let's Talk About The Nestle Crunch Bar Commercial

I'm sure you've seen the family above. For months now we've had Joanna and her perfect little trio pop up during commercial breaks for all of your favorite shows. Just a happy family snacking on some crunch rice smothered in milk chocolate after a little league baseball game. A ideal situation, pure Americana! 

Now let's watch the commercial again...

Upon first watch you might say, "Yep, same commercial as ever, a handsome family and good sweets." I had the same reaction. 

Now the first time I re-watched it and paid attention here's what I saw: 

-The white mother, Joanna, on the left of the screen

-Joanna's husband, who is black, on the right side of the screen

-Their bi-racial son, an absolute scamp and likely #2 hitter on his team, in the middle 

Then we get to the ingredients of the Crunch Bar portion of the advertisement:

-The rice, which is white, flies in from the left

-The chocolate component flies in from the right 

-The combine in the middle to create the Crunch Bar that we all know and love today

I mean that CANNOT just be a coincidence, right?? You just happen to have the white rice and the chocolate collide like some paint in an indie rock music video to create a blend of the two directly after showing a multiracial family set up in the same fashion? The white coming in from the left and the black coming from the right to make a combination in the center???

It just seems far too thought out and something marketing execs thought would be clever to be happenstance. You literally, in both images, have a white form on the left combining with a black form on the right to make a perfect combination of crackly rice and milk chocolate in the middle. 

And ya know what? I think I've actually done a 180 on this commercial. I thought it was corny and not good at first but I think now I just sort of have to associate Crunch Bars with racial harmony. I am not saying that Crunch Bars are the solution to racial divide and tension in our you try today, but I also wouldn't be surprised if Crunch Bars are what solve all the worlds problems. Talking racial injustice, world hunger, Mark Zuckerberg dragging an absolute wagon of a dump truck ass behind him, climate change, things of that nature. 

Now my sources at Nestle have told me that these images are actually heavily doctored. However, I was able to get my hands on the original photos.

I am absolutely going to hell for that, but you know who isn't? Whoever thought up this commercial idea. Bravo, Nestle. 

Also, Crunch Bars are a sneaky top 10 candy and I won't hear arguments against that point because they are incredibly wrong. 

LCB Fantasy Battles: Team River Monsters

Tomorrow. 8|7c. It's back.

Join Trillballins, @TylerIAm, @ColeyMick, @nickturani, @kbnoswag, @JackKennedy, and @JeffDLowe for Season 2, Episode 2 of 'Fictional Debates'. NEW RULE: New weapons every round All episodes: https://t.co/X8eQ1clHT0 pic.twitter.com/QTk8KIE4mH — Lights, Camera, Pod (@LightsCameraPod) June 25, 2020

I'll level with you folks, quarantine hasn't been great. Sure, there are some things that aren't so bad: saving money, not making a fool of yourself in front of the opposite gender after precisely three (3) Watermelon-Kiwi Truly's (the best flavor as we all know), as well as time to get back to things like reading or learning new hobbies. But at the same time, it's gotten a bit stale at this point. Well, stale with the exception of Thursday nights.

Content has been through the roof for some the past few months, and it's possible that no one has exceeded expectations quite like our pals over at 'Lights, Camera, Barstool'. Jeff D. Lowe has put on a masterclass thus far. Aside from continuing to host/edit/produce the LCB podcast, he's been running the wildly popular 'Dozen' trivia show along with my personal favorite piece of content from quarantine: Fictional Character Debates. The premise is quite simple, each person on the panel creates a team to do battle with another random team. Season 1 was 5 v. 5 basketball, and Season 2 is 4 v. 4 combat with one random weapon included.

Perhaps at this point you're saying to no one in particular, "How is that different from any other fictional debate from anyone else?" Well, the real magic is in the collection of minds they bring together each week. It's similar to an Avengers situation, but for Weird Twitter. You have KB and Nick from 'A New Untold Story' (commonly referred to with the abbreviation 'ANUS') who gave us the tale of Melty's:

The legend of Melty’s pic.twitter.com/8wsXek25MQ

— A New Untold Story (@anus) June 5, 2020

As well as, well this, which is one of the funniest things I have seen:

Ranking the 5 things we wish didn’t exist. Who do you think won? pic.twitter.com/1tjT9HRGhC

— A New Untold Story (@anus) June 3, 2020

There's Coley and Tyler from Mickstape:

Brand new episode out RIGHT NOW:

Listen: https://t.co/Fs0QUVICmf pic.twitter.com/OF6z0EajjZ — Mickstape (@MickstapeShow) June 16, 2020

And then the LCB boys, where Jeff plays a perfect host and straight man to counter not just the other guests, but his own co-hosts as well. KenJac is a wild card, and that makes Trillballins something even wilder than that. For any OG Twitter users that have been having withdrawals ever since our Big Baby Boy stopped using the site, the debates are PRIME TrillyBallGame and a big creative outlet for him. He put together some of the best teams in Season 1, including a squad made up of Independent Contractors My Wife Hires To Fix The House While I'm At Work. That team gave us the legend of Cru:
 


AND Doggystyle Gary:
 

Can we... can uhhh..... Can we got an other look at Cru really quick?

 

What a nice boy helping Mrs. Ballins out every day! We aren't sure what he precisely does but he's always there. They are very much worth a watch back if you have not seen them yet (HERE'S a playlist for you). Now, I've been thinking about what a team that I would make would look like. It;s hard to not totally rip off what those guys have been doing but I think I found a team that is fairly unique and is also formidable enough to take out the competition.

 I'm rolling with Team River Monsters.


 ARAPAIMA - 10 ft, 400 lbs



GOONCH CATFISH - 8 ft, 200 lbs



PIRAIBA - 12 ft, 450 lbs



JEREMY WADE - 6 ft, 141 lbs., 64 years old



Good luck everybody else!

 The Piraiba is your big man, the target the other team should look to take out first. Not only does this catfish have the size, he has the killer instinct as well; the Piraiba is strongly rumored to be able to swallow men whole. Sounds a lot like my ex-wife, amiritefolks???

 
You think Sugar Bear could operate knowing he could get Kirby-Succed by a massive fish at any moment? Not a chance, friend.

 The Goonch is like a sidekick of sorts for the Piraiba. It's also a rumored man-killer and compliments the length of its Amazonian pal with the strength and girth of a genetically modified, blue ribbon pig at a county fair:

 It's a fish so stocky, so massive and so muscle-bound that Jeremy had to "take a swim" to catch it: 

 The Goonch, while smaller than the other two, has a nasty streak and is nicknamed the Giant Devil Catfish and is blamed for numerous deaths along the Kali River in Asia.

 The Arapaima has the chance to really steal the show though. It has size, strength, speed and perhaps more importantly, the temperament. I'll let Jeremy describe it:

And if you aren;t convinced yet:

 And finally, the centerpiece of the team, Jeremy Wade.  The true River Monster. He's an extreme angler, underwater detective, biologist, master of landlocked waters, one of the most interesting and badass humans of all time. The only thing he doesn't like doing is killing fish, so when the opposition is literally just trying to kill fish I fully expect him to go full rage and wipe the floor with them singlehandedly. That's what Jeremy Wade does.

 I truly think this is an unbeatable team. You try and focus on the Piraiba due to its size and the Arapaima comes shooting out of the water with the force of a car wreck and splits your sternum open. Go after the Arapaima and you have two man-eating catfish trying to suck you down whole. Go after the Goonch and it will take you for a swim you will not return from. Oh and the entire time you have madman Jermey Wade running around like a man possessed trying to murder anyone who even thinks about laying a harmful finger on any of his aquatic brethren. Imagine thinking you're getting away from this man:
   

 Fat chance, bub. You'll be sleeping with the fishes*.



 *This team deserves to lose for that pun and I apologize wholeheartedly for it.

Tim Tebow Is The Best Quarterback The Denver Broncos Have Ever Drafted?

I was perusing the Twitter Machine as one does in these times, and stumbled upon a stat I simply could not believe. Not a stat about how Tony Gwynn ate more cheeseburgers than he had swings-and-misses, or Wayne Gretzky still being the all-time NHL point leader if he had been a cartoon fox with a golf club instead of a hockey stick. No, this stat was far more startling and, frankly, troubling:

Tim Tebow is the only QB in Broncos history to be drafted by the team and win a playoff game 💪😳 pic.twitter.com/UUTy5IfA0q

— NFL on ESPN (@ESPNNFL) May 3, 2020

I don't know how that's possible if we can be frank for a moment. This is a franchise that's been around since 1960, and they have only one signal caller whom they drafted themselves that has won a playoff game for said franchise. And it's Tommy Turbo??? Now you might be saying to yourself, "Well that simply cannot be right, John Elway literally won two SuperBowls!" You'd be correct in that thinking...partially. John Elway did win a fair share of playoff games for the Broncos, HOWEVER--

He was actually drafted by the Baltimore Colts in 1983, and then traded to the Broncos before the season began. Now quarterbacks drafted by Denver include: Gary Kubiak, Tommy Maddox, Brian Griese, Jay Cutler, and more recently, Brock Osweiler, Trevor Siemian, Paxton Lynch, Chad Kelly and Drew Lock. They've brought in a lot of early round QB's over the years and yet it's Tebow who holds all the cards. Most of those guys are better fundamental quarterbacks than Tebow, even the ones who were bad like most of them drafted post-Cutler Era, but they never accomplished what Tebow did. 

You know who's won playoff games for Denver? In 1977 they had two postseason wins, both with Craig Morton (who joined the team 12 season into his career) at the helm. We then must move to 1986 for the next win; between 1986 and 1998 with Elway leading the offense they racked up 14 playoff victories. In 2005 Jake Plummer beat the Patriots before falling to the eventual champion Steelers. 2011 is obviously Tebow's shining moment, and after that it was Peyton Manning's turn, securing 5 playoff wins from 2013 to 2015. The Super Bowl win over the Panthers in 2015 is the last time the Broncos have won a playoff game as of May 2020. 

The Broncos aren't exactly a lower-tier team either. They aren't the Jaguars or Texans. Those are some pretty good names they've had line up under center, and while obviously the best of the best like Elway, Manning and Plummer weren't draft picks, you still have guys like Cutler and Griese that make you scratch your head. How did they not win even a Wild Card game??

So what does this all mean? I guess, simply put, Tim Tebow is the best quarterback the Denver Broncos have ever drafted. Talk about stats all you want, but winning is what it's all about from what I've been told and Tebow has done what literally no other quarterback drafted by Denver has ever done: won a playoff game for the Broncos. I still can't wrap my brain around this and I've been thinking about it for like 4 days now. It's insanity. 

Obviously we need to run that overtime winner back for Timmy.

I forgot he won the game on the first play of overtime, making this situation even more perplexing. Maybe the closest we've ever been to seeing divine intervention unfold in real life. 

Dennis Rodman Is Actually NOT Interesting, According to Bill Simmons

'The Last Dance' has been captivating TV the past two Sunday's. It would be captivating even without Big Rona wreaking havoc on entertainment. Last night we got what was sort of the Dennis Rodman-centric episode 3. Seeing all the stuff he did, seeing his teammates react both in the moment and in the interviews decades later, it was great. Highly entertaining theatre. Well, unless you're Captain Charisma Bill Simmons:

Crucial question that started today’s pod: Why have we pretended for the past 25 years that Dennis Rodman was actually interesting? https://t.co/KYmA39OArr

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) April 27, 2020

It's a fair point. Whomst could say this man is interesting??

 

The story about how he went from homeless to cleaning airport bathrooms at 20, and then growing 13 inches to become arguably the greatest rebounder and defender in NBA history, all while dyeing his hair a variety of colors seemingly weekly and wearing dresses and banging Madonna? A goddamn SNOOZEFEST if I've ever seen one. If he wanted to be considered cool and worthy of public intrigue, he should have asked to take a 48-hour leave of absence from the Bulls midseason to go on a bender in Vegas, complete with drinking Miller Lite as he was about to drive a motorcycle and needing MICHAEL JORDAN to come to the Strip to drag you back to practice after you've been AWOL for hours past your 48-hour team-approved romp. Oh and he should have had Carmen Electra hiding behind a couch when MJ came to collect. But alas, he wasn't interesting so it was impossible to think of this at the time. 

If, hypothetically, the only thing Dennis Rodman did besides play basketball is be best friends with a ruthless dictator of a Hermit Kingdom, being one of the only things about Western Culture this man likes and one of the few things to bring him actual human happiness, then that alone would be INCREDIBLY interesting. 

 

But The Worm was also, in theory, doing things like wearing dresses and eye shadow back before it was cool.

He might have joined the NWO at one point too. 

(Please watch that and then try to tell me Dennis Rodman isn't one of the coolest dudes on the planet)

This would not even be scratching the surface with Dennis Rodman. This guy has done so much stuff that would make anyone double take that you could probably do a docu-series just on his off the court hijinx. Alas, Billy Boy, who knows everything about having interesting personality traits, says he is not actually that interesting. Tough break for Ol Den, but thats the way the cookie crumbles. 

I'll leave you with this thought because it is a very fair point by Coley:

Word around Boston was that every time the Bulls came to town, Rodman would buy out Toys-R-Us and deliver it to Children’s Hospital. No cameras, no reporters. Maybe if he’d been thinking of himself in those moments he’d be considered interesting, who’s to say

— S M A R F (@ColeyMick) April 27, 2020

The Correct Greatest Wrestler of All-Time Bracket: THE LAST DANCE

FINAL FOUR HERE

Wow. We've finally made it: the last matchup of this bracket. Did I initially think it would take me this long to reach this point? No. Am I shocked it took this long in hindsight? Also no. We had to roll with the punches and deal with someone else's bracket, selections and seeding. I've made it known before that a few off the rankings were very off in my eyes, and thats not even counting the fact that I think the field that was selected isn't exactly the best. There are tweaks you could make to make it (somehow) harder and more interesting for sure. But that's not what this was about. This was about having correct opinions, of which I am batting 1.000.

So here we are. The last matchup. The last dance (Michael Jordan or ESPN or both are going to sue the everliving hell out of me for using that).

(1) Stone Cold Steve Austin v. (4) The Undertaker

Both of these men had to go through some serious talent to make it here. The Undertaker beat the likes of British Bulldog, Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio. Stone Cold ran through Lex Luger, Mick Foley, Daniel Bryan, Shawn Michaels and Kurt Angle. Those are two murderers rows of talent, so these two certainly deserve to be here. 

As adversaries for a good portion of their careers, they've run into this matchup before. But who's had the greatest impact, the greatest legacy? I've said it before but I really mean it now: This is an incredibly tough call to make. 

They each have titles. They have signature wins, signature moments. For instance, "Austin 3:16", Stone Cold's many stunners on Vince McMahon, or spraying him with a hose from a beer truck: 

The Undertaker has buried people alive, had that insane WrestleMania undefeated streak that lasted over two decades, and, oh yeah he once crucified Austin. Like, not verbally attacked him. He literally crucified Stone Cold: 

 

Both men were more than serviceable in the ring but weren't what I'd call top tier. In terms of athletic talent and ability, guys like Kurt Angle and Shawn Michaels would take an edge for the most part. But they both excelled at what they could do. They weren't going around doing flips and jumping off ladders like Jeff Hardy. They perfected the Stunners and Tombstone Piledrivers and things of that nature, and they stuck to their lanes and still tore the house down. Thats because they were two of the best (obviously since this is the finals) at connecting to an audience and playing their characters perfectly. They made people care and made people want to be them. 

It's just downright difficult to find the flaw in either case that would give the other an edge. I have to get incredibly nitpicky and bring up the fact that, for the most part, Stone Cold never strayed from that character once he really got rolling. Post-King of the Ring '96 he was just the Texas Rattlesnake with tweaks. Sometimes he sided with one person, other times he went against them. That sort of thing. Taker, meanwhile, went under a bit of a reboot in the early 2000's as "Big Evil". Instead of being the silent Deadman we had known, he was basically the same undead wizard but now he was in a biker gang and listened to Limp Bizkit and wore bandanas and chains and stuff. 

People actually liked it, and it has been gaining popularity in the current day. But that would be a slight knock on The Phenom. Stone Cold didn't have to change much, Taker apparently did. 

Sometimes in these matchups thats what it takes to get a win. What's the one chip in the opponents armor, and how big is it? In this case its a small crack but it should be enough...

WINNER: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

As I have continued to to say literally overtime I write these, this was so goddamn hard to decide. In the finals alone you had two legitimate icons of the entire business, not just WWE. What I've realized more fully in doing this is how vast pro wrestling has been. This focused entirely on American wrestling and it still left out major figures. You get into Japan and the current day? Forget it. I pray for whoever tries to take that task on. Kenny Omega against Triple H? Kofi Kingston against Antonio Inoki? Couldn't be me. 

Here's your final bracket: 

For now, Stone Cold Steve Austin is the GOAT. And thats the bottom line, 'cause STONE. COLD. SAID. SO. 

The Correct Greatest Wrestler of All-Time Bracket: The Final Four

ELITE 8 HERE

We're getting closer to the end and we have 4 STRONG ass candidates for the crown. A look at our updated bracket:

I feel like its a good mix of #FACTS and my own personal bias, which of course is correct and not wrong. Let's get to the matchups. 

(4) The Undertaker v. (5) Rey Mysterio

A total clash of styles here with the small luchador going against the big, undead wizard. Mysterio has been immense for the current crop of stars, especially those that are undersized. Getting the masses behind a style that was literally and figuratively a bit foreign and definitely not mainstream is not an easy thing to do, but Mysterio made it work. I know he wasn't the first to do it but he made it mainstream. But I don't think anyone has ever connected with their audience quite like Taker. No one has captivated an audience with their character like he has, despite everyone knowing its goofy at tits core. Like we all just accept that this guy makes lighting appear when he wants and is a walking talking Deadman. 

WINNER: THE UNDERTAKER

(1) Stone Cold Steve Austin v. (4) Kurt Angle

 

Talk about two guys who know each other very well. In their primes around the same time, Angle and Austin crossed plenty of paths. They each had this quality where they were the most intense and scary people when competing but they knew how to be funny at the same time. 

At their best, they held the audience in their palms, able to control how they felt through simple actions and words. It's remarkable how good they were all things considered. At the end of the day, I think you have to look at what they left behind. Angle is beloved and he's gotten great reactions when he's been around in the past few years. He's easily one of the best when it comes to pure ring ability alone. But Austin. Austin had people giving stunners, smashing beers against each other, yelling "WHAT" over and over, and changing Bible verses for crying out loud. 

WINNER: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

And so, we have our final matchup: The Undertaker does battle with Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Final Round soon come...

The Correct Greatest Wrestler of All-Time Bracket: Elite 8

SWEET 16 PART 2 HERE

Lots of tough decisions have been made, and more now follow. We have 8 contenders, soon to be 4, vying for this prestigious title:

As we get to the end we will be doing one round per post, because this is definitely still fun and not something I am forcing myself to finish to maintain discipline in a time of global crisis. 

(3) Chris Jericho v. (4) The Undertaker 

Jericho and Undertaker didn't cross paths too much in the later stages of their careers, but they were two of the best for a long ass time. I'd say Jericho is more of the complete package, and in a vacuum he'd have a huge chance to move on because his moves out of context is just plain better. But add in the characters and the auras and all that and Taker is just the man. A chokeslam from Undertaker hits different than one from, like, Vlad Kozlov or something, I don't know at this point.

WINNER: THE UNDERTAKER

(5) Rey Mysterio v. (14) Batista

 

Was this all a ruse just to get this matchup to happen? Perhaps. Two of Eddie's favorite friends in WWE, Batista and Rey teamed together against the likes of MNM (winning the tag titles along the way) and as part of Team Smackdown for Survivor Series. Probably my favorite tag team of two superstars thrown together, these two epitomized the the idea of Yin and Yang. Batista was the powerhouse, the muscle, the one you didn't wanna mess with. Mysterio was the speed, the agility, the quick bursts that get you to come at him before Batista comes out of nowhere and just levels you.  I wish I could find it but them doing Batista's signature rope shake together is an all-time moment for me. 

They teamed sparingly after Batista was on the shelf for part of 2007, but they reunited in 2009 before Batista turned heel and attacked Rey in one of the most upsetting moments of my youngish life: 

When he drops "EDDIE'S DEAD" I cannot believe what I am hearing. Over a decade later and I'm still like, "Uhhhhhhhhh, is that ok?? Was he supposed to say that???" These two made up a large chunk of my boyhood fandom (I was Batista and a short friend was Rey for living room wrestling matches, it was the bees knees). How could this be happening?!? Batista is arguably my favorite heavyweight of all time. Rey Mysterio is arguably my favorite cruiserweight/luchador-type of all time. GUT DECISION TYME.

WINNER: REY MYSTERIO (Batista turned heel, giving Rey the edge)

(2) John Cena v. (4) Kurt Angle 

What a blast from the past!! John Cena DEBUTED by answering a Kurt Angle open challenge:

What a debut! "RUTHLESS...... AGGRESSION!!"The fact KURT ANGLE was beating a debuting Cena with a rollup is very telling that Cena was destined for great things. He had his second match against Jericho, he was meeting the Undertaker backstage and getting signs of approval, young John Cena was already making waves. These two crossed paths a few times early on and things were fairly even. I've harped on how well-rounded (and flat GOOD) Kurt Angle was, but Cena is every bit as entertaining and knows how to call a match. He doesn't exactly take the mosts risks with his moveset but he is good at what he does. Are Cena's titles enough to stave off Angle once more? Or does the Gold Medalist have enough talent and acting chops to get the job done? I guess if I was starting a company from scratch and had to try and choose the better all around talent, gun to my head I'd go Angle just cause he offers more in the ring while not totally sacrificing what you get with Cena. 

WINNER: KURT ANGLE 

(1) Stone Cold Steve Austin v. (3) Shawn Michaels

At Wrestlemania 14, Shawn Michaels defended his WWF Championship against Stone Cold in one of the more iconic matches in history. In the lead up to the match, Mike Tyson (you heard me right bub, THE Mike Tyson, of Hangover fame) was inserted as special guest referee and later moved into a role as Michaels' cornerman, aligning himself with DX. At the end though, it was Tyson raising Austin's hand after jumping in for a downed ref and siding with Austin, clocking the Heartbreak Kid with a signature right hand. Michaels went on the mend to nurse serious back injuries for 4 years while Austin skyrocketed in popularity and became on for he faces of the business. Michaels has definitely had the big ups and big downs, whereas Stone Cold was a little more stable in his status. Injuries didn't help either man as they both reeled from different ailments throughout their careers. At the end of the day, as much as I like HBK, I don't think you can stop a motto like e"Arrive. Raise Hell. Leave." by being a Sexy Boy. 

WINNER: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

FINAL FOUR SOON COME, GET READY.

The Correct Greatest Wrestler of All-Time Bracket: Sweet 16 (Part Deux)

SWEET 16 PART 1 HERE


(1) Ric Flair v. (4) Kurt Angle

I don't think anyone would really say Ric Flair had better skills in the ring than Kurt Angle, who is one of the most freak athletes I have seen. Flair made his bread with his persona. The idea of "Ric Flair" is incredibly prestigious. Angle, meanwhile, did way more comedy than Flair ever did but at the same time he could flip that switch and be the meanest, most intense dudes on the planet. The legacy of Flair is undeniable, but Angle ain't no slouch either.

WINNER: KURT ANGLE

(2) John Cena v. (6) Jeff Hardy

 

John Cena is the modern version of Hulk Hogan but, like, a WAY better person from what I can tell. Pena is arguably more important in terms of the Make-A-Wish program than he is in any other facet of his life. The number of kids each year who's one wish is to meet John Cena is goddamn staggering.  He's done over SIX HUNDRED (600) Wishes. He's basically done one Make-A-Wish a day for like two years STRAIGHT. And that's without doing things like working out, wrestling, acting, learning fluent Mandarin, and everything in between. I LOVE Jeff Hardy. He's incredibly unique and entertaining. The things he's done would make you and I puke multiple times:

I really wish I could move him on here, but John Cena is the standard. He's maybe as close to a real superhero as we can get.

WINNER: JOHN CENA

(1) Steve Austin v. (4) Daniel Bryan

 

The YES! Movement was a global phenomenon and it grew organically from the connection Daniel Bryan made with the fans. Someone who looks like him was never supposed to be THE guy in WWE, but he forced their hand by being incredible at everything. I've always been a fan of submission specialists which is what Bryan was at least until the past few years. But I don't think any move he has in his arsenal is as iconic and imitated as the Stone Cold Stunner. The Stunner might be the move most often done by drunk males on their friends at 12:48 AM as they wait for a massive order from McDonalds to arrive. And you add the Beer Bash into the mix?

WINNER: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

(3) Shawn Michaels v. (7) Randy Orton

Another matchup we have seen play out in front of us before, Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels are intertwined with the rise of Orton at the same time Michaels was trying to stay a top guy as he got older. Randy is a future Hall of Famer, that is not in doubt in the slightest. He has the iconic move with the RKO, played great characters on both the good and evil side, and is one of the best in the ring... when he cares. That last bit is what plagues him a little. I don't care as much as other people but there's no denying that he can switch it off and just coast a lot. HBK also has the iconic move in Sweet Chin Music, he has titles, he's literally called "Mr. WrestleMania". He moves on in a  close encounter.

WINNER: SHAWN MICHAELS

Sweet 16 done and dusted, and I hated all my picks but also would hate them if I reversed them too. This is no-win territory and it stinks. I don't care for it one bit. But we have to play the cards we are dealt, so more tough calls in the Elite 8 coming soon. 

The Correct Greatest Wrestler of All-Time Bracket: Sweet 16 (Part 1)

ROUND 2 PART 4 HERE

We've arrived at the Sweet 16, where things really start to get serious. Let's take a look at the updated bracket for a refresher:

We have some very interesting matchup coming up, including some that we've seen play out in major ways on TV already. We'll take care of that left side of the bracket today. 

(1) Hulk Hogan v. (4) The Undertaker

 

These two crossed paths a few times and shared wins, but at the time Taker was still on the come up while Huckster was getting to the end of his prime when they first met in the early 90's. While Hogan was the wrestling rockstar, Undertaker was every bit as good and then some in my eyes. He was bigger, meaner, had a better character, better moves, and that mystic aura around him is the centerpiece. Not to mention a certain record at WrestleMania. 

WINNER: THE UNDERTAKER

(2) The Rock v. (3) Chris Jericho

Talk about guys who crossed paths before. Y2J made his debut interrupting The Rock. 

They've had some of their best moments squaring off against each other, with their best battles coming outside the ring and on the mic.

By basically every metric, The Rock is THE star in WWE history. No one has gone on to have quite the career he has had, seeing as he's a massive movie star, a staple on Instagram and one of the most well-liked people on Earth. But how does Jericho stack up? Well, I think that he stacks up quite nicely in comparison to be frank with you, the reader. Jericho has the charisma, I think he is a better technical wrestler, had slightly better moves at his disposal, headlined two major companies during Rock's heyday, and has gone on to do even more. Jericho has aged like the finest wine. But can he claim he is a better wrestler than The Rock? They were incredibly evenly matched, sharing wins in a plethora of match types. I might have to flip a coin to decide this one if we're being honest. Gut call time, and I'm gonna hate my choice either way.

WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO

(5) Rey Mysterio v. (9) Jake Roberts

 

The slimy heel and the underdog babyface. A tale as old as time. As I've said before, Roberts has some of the better character work in wrestling history and sort of laid a blueprint for the quiet heel. But Mysterio just has too many iconic moments and accomplishments, on top of being one of the top Hispanic superstars ever. 

WINNER: REY MYSTERIO

(2) Dusty Rhodes v. (14) Batista

 

Ah jeez. I was not looking forward to this one. Like, look at Dusty Rhodes. Look at him! How can you not love that man? By all accounts, just one of the best humans to exist. He was an innovator, a trailblazer, one of the most charismatic men to walk the planet. His speaking skills are some of my favorite. But GOD do I love me some Batista. The Animal didn't say much but his actions spoke a whole lot louder than his words could. His pure intensity is something you just marveled at. But then again, it's Dusty! But also, it's Batista! Another gut call and I already hate myself so this should be easier but it ain't. 

WINNER: BATISTA

Second side of the bracket coming soon.