Monday, September 24, 2018

Celtics Rookie Robert Williams Has Shot Up My Draft Board After Discovering The Press Conference Gatorade Is Fake


Robert Williams began making a name for himself almost instantly when he slept past his post-draft conference call with reporters and then missed a flight and, as a result, the first Celtics Summer League practice. He has since attempted to remedy this by buying an apartment next to the team practice facility in the city, but those of us that are woke know the truth.

Robertwilliam, as named by The Riffs Man, is actually a Time Lord, another title betrothed by The Riffs Man, and he did not miss these events due to maturity issues as the media would lead you to believe. No, Robertwilliam was actually very much at these events, but in different time periods and dimensions altogether. Thats life as a Time Lord, you are not constrained by clocks of any manner and travel freely throughout the cosmos.

Aside from ripping apart the space-time continuum as we know it with Kyrie Irving, Robertwilliam has now added to his resume.


That's as galaxy-brained as it gets if we're being honest. First off, the unmitigated gall to request to have his thirst quenched by the Gatorade that we've always seen on the table for NBA pressers. I don't think anyone in history has ever asked if they can drink that. In fact, I'm pretty sure a large portion of professional athletes don't even drink Gatorade at all; they have the resources readily available to tell them, "No, do not put that in your body, here drink this science thing that's a million times better for you and also not available to the plebeians watching from the stands."

So not only has Robertwilliam gone and done the thing like a true madlad, but he's uncovered a potential conspiracy along the way. After all this time we learn that the Gatorade on display during pressers is actually just plastic. There's no Gatorade in that thing! I bet there's never been anything close to Gatorade in it!
Robertwilliam on some Encyclopedia Brown shit. Motherfuccing Cam Jansen.

As a result of being a Time Lord who may or may not have a role in defeating Thanos, as well as being a part-time sleuth uncovering Gatorade mysteries, I must move Robertwilliam to the very top of my Draft Board.
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I Formally Nominate "High" To Act As Our Nation's New National Anthem


In recent years, the "Star Spangled Banner" has come under a bit of scrutiny for a number of reasons. First and foremost it has come to be synonymous with the whole "Kneeling" back-and-forth. Athletes, wth NFL players being among the leaders after Colin Kaepernick first knelt during the playing of the national anthem years ago on the sidelines, have been using this moment to display their own messages and forms of protest and the like. This is not going to be a political thing, don't worry. I just wanted to make sure everyone was up to speed on what's been going on in America the past few years, you know? One day you're obliterating your cell phone with a rusty tire iron after accidentally stumbling upon a Darren Rovell tweet about various ballpark food items, and two years later you finally re-acquire an iPhone only to log onto the Twitter Machine to see that anarchy has indeed broken out on these streets. 

Now, I enjoy the Star Spangled Banner for the most part. When there's a bunch of people all singing it for a sporting event like the World Cup or Olympics, it's a very good song for the blind jubilation. Aside from the possible racial undertones of the rarely-sung lyrics later on in Francis Scott Key's work ("No refuge could save the hireling and slave, From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave" in particular are the lyrics often cited, which has been disputed as actually being written about the British enemies of the War of 1812 and their impressment--you can go read about all this stuff on your own though, you have the same Google that I do.) 

One other common criticism of our current national anthem that does not have to do with politics or racism or other bad things is that it doesn't slap. 


Now, I don't necessarily agree with that statement nor sentiment. I think the Star Spangled Banner is a solid song, but not one I'm always trying to listen to. I'm not gonna roll up to the tailgate and throw on the Key Man. It has its time and place. The Star Spangled Banner is basically like any song off of Beerbongs & Bentleys, because that album was objectively good but also extremely depressing and not for active use. You have to be selective about when you're putting on Beerbongs & Bentleys because that'll suck the life right out of any function with a quickness the likes of which you've never seen before. 

Plenty of countries have strong anthems, the USA included to be frank. France has those rolling drums and trumpets to start it out:


The start of New Zealand's sounds like the start to an actual song that also serves as the opening credits for a 90's sitcom:


And Italy has a nice stop and start going on with their intro:


Not to mention you also get Gigi Buffon singing along to it:


I hope to one day find something that I love as much as Gianluigi loves singing Fratelli d'Italia.

So what are we left to do? Well, we're gonna get ourselves a new national anthem, thats what we're left to do, Chief. 

There are plenty of options for certain. Int'l Players Anthem by UGK and OutKast is always a front runner. Dipset Anthem is another option, but not what I am looking for per se. No, what I have chosen to represent us as Americans moving forward is really the only option at this point. 


Our pal Jeffery released his new EP titled On The Rvn last night, and on it is potentially the greatest song and collaboration of all recorded and unrecorded history. It's titled "High" (ft. Elton John). It samples Sir Elton John's 1972 hit "Rocket Man", and SEX decided to hop on the beat because John is a notoriously big fan of Young Thug and even compared him to John Lennon. 

The outcome of a Young Thug and Elton John collaboration is what many people are calling the song of the millennium. 



After listening to this for the first time a month or so ago when it first leaked as simply "Young Thug-Rocket Man Remix" I knew it was something special. And big things must have been coming because at the time a number of accounts on YouTube and SoundCloud were putting it up and getting it ripped down in minutes. Turns out Thugger went ahead and had it mastered and mixed for this EP as a gift to us, the people.

Now, we have to take a look at the incumbent and the challenger. A Tale of the Tapes, if you will.



And so, I am formally nominating "High" by Young Thug featuring Sir Elton John to be the new national anthem of THESE United States of America. You're welcome.
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Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Revs vs. Galaxy Recap

Let us never speak of this game again.
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Sunday, July 1, 2018

A Brief Revs Recap


I've been busy and haven't been able to pay a ton of attention to this team in a few weeks. Last game I saw was the draw in Chicago. Since then, they have drawn in San Jose, had a nice World Cup break and just kicked off a 3-game home stand.

A few things before we look at last nights game.

For starters, Wilfried Zahibo has been named an MLS All Star. This was a huge surprise to me because while he has shown he can be very good, he has also been very inconsistent in his performances. I would assume he was chosen due to the plethora of attacking midfielders on the roster and the lack of true defensive mids. But I for sure assumed that Matt Turner would be the Revs representative to take on Juventus. Good on Zahibo though. The Marcus Smarf of the team gets to see his hard work and grit and field goals pay off in his first season in the league with this honor.

Next, Matt Turner was snubbed. Brad Guzan is in this game because Atlanta fans are idiots who want to see their entire team in an All Star Game. It would be a real shame--A REAL SHAME--if they had key members get injured in that game because they couldn't help jerking each other off and voting all their guys in. Zack Steffen has absolutely earned his way into the team so I have no gripe with him. If either of them get injured leading up to August 1st, I wouldn't be surprised to see Turner, Montreal's Evan Bush, Seattle's Stefan Frei or LA's David Bingham take a spot.

Finally, there are rumors that the Revs have been involved in talks to sign former Barcelona, Milan and Stoke City player Bojan Krkic. The La Masia graduate would be able to play in an attacking midfield or winger role adding to a packed depth chart in the attack. I'd imagine he would play the opposite wing of Cristian Penilla, with Juan Agudelo and Krizstian Nemeth being able to backup the wings and the center forward role, and Kelyn Rowe backing up the wings and the second midfield role next to either Zahibo, Luis Caicedo or Scott Caldwell. The reports say that the talks with Bojan have broken off a bit but we are still in the mix as of now.

Ok, to the game. I didn't get to watch but I will give some bad analysis of videos from Twitter.

First up, Cristian Penilla.
Good lord. That was hot, like REAL hot. The long ball, the beautiful hold up play by Nemo to get it to Diego Fagundez on the wing. And then Diego taking it to the box and paying it into the middle, the dummy/slight flick by Nemo and the finish by Penilla. It was just

Next up was Teal Bunbury.

A very calm finish off the half volley for Teal, who is now tied for 4th in MLS in goals with 10. I would like to take this moment to formally apologize to him for doubting him to start the year. He has been proving me wrong every week and has shown no signs of slowing down.

Lastly, it was Penilla from the spot.
Top Chedz, where Mama hides the cookies, with loads of pace. A rocket of a PK for the Ecuadorian.

Man of the Match

An obvious choice with two goals, including the game winner. Cristian Penilla is a bad mamajama.

The home stand continues on Saturday night with Seattle coming to town. 

REVS 3-2 DC

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Saturday, June 9, 2018

Revs Take a Point in Chicago on the Way to Manifest Destiny


First things first: this is New England's first game since the win over NYRB last week. No way did they lose in the Open Cup to Louisville, not a chance. So I won't even mention it further because that could not have happened in this timeline. In others, perhaps, but for sure not this one.

So, first game in a week, wow! Brad Friedel rolled with that same winning lineup from the Red Bull game, meaning a lot of attacking power with Bunbury, Rowe, Fagundez, Penilla and Nemeth. Now, had there been a game earlier this week in which the Revs lost to Louisville, Gabriel Somi hypothetically could have been withdrawn 2/3rds of the way into the game, which is weird since he was out for this game. But with Somi out and Tierney's season done, Claude Dielna was the only real left back on the roster, and even he isn't really a true left back.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, this all came into play midway through the first half when Toni Delamea knocked heads with Nemanja Nikolic and both were bloodied and making their ways to the sidelines. It seemed Brandon Bye would have to come in at right back and push Andrew Farrell to the middle. Toni came back but Nikolic did not. It's also worth noting that we have our newest strong boy on the team and on the internet.


Welcome to Weird Twitter, War Toni.

The Revs never converted on the 11 v 10 situation between Nikolic coming out and Alan Gordon finally getting the green light to sub in for him. Luckily they were looking just fine when both teams were at full strength. The high press seemed to really cause Chicago fits and the Revs were forcing turnovers pretty regularly. The closest they came in the first frame, however, was courtesy of Cristian Penilla with a pretty looking move and some silky footwork.

The closest Chicago came was from a tough angle effort at the edge of the box that was parried away by my man pots and pans Matt Turner.

My friends, the Church of Turner grows daily. Won't you join us?


Second half was more of the same. It was very back and forth for the most part, with both teams playing aggressive defense and getting physical when needed, and all when not needed. 

And then, of course, it all came crashing down.



Nemo whatttttt are you doing? Play to the whistle man, thats day 1 stuff! Instead its Schweinsteiger with a simple give and go for the goal. I am mad online for the defense exposing my largest son Matt to that. 

After that, things got a little chaotic. Bodies everywhere, no one knows what he calls are, someone was decapitated, whole big thing, we had a funeral for a bird.

The chances piled up for the Revsas the dn of the game drew closer, highlighted by Diego playing Penilla through in the box only for the Ecuadorian to rattle one off the near post. 

And then.

AND THEN.


THIS IS MARCH!!!!

The most Revs goal ever. So gritty. That goal is a microcosm for the DNA of this squad. Doesn't always go the route you thought it would take, needs a little help, doesn't give up and then will reward you when you least expect it. I thought we were going full edge here. All the buildup and nothing to come of it. 

The boys had some chances to actually put it away and are all 3 points, but in the end a 1-1 draw will be good enough given the situation. They just played a game in Louisville and now stay on the road for one more in a few days. 

Oh, shit, I mean---they didn't play a game in Louisville haha no way. Nope. That was something else they were on the road for. 

Nearly every game this season has been entertaining for one reason or another.  Some had goals, others had brilliant displays of individual skill. This one had pure chaos. Players were flying around and getting chippy, there was actual blood, weird goals, people yelling, probably some children crying, whistles and no one knowing what the calls were. Pure madness. And thats why its the Beautiful Game. If that doesn't make sense then you just don't get it no offense (which is how you can describe the start of this game am i right). 

Man of the Match
Turner had a shout for this, and Penilla was wildly close but he missed a bunch of chances. That goal was put in the net by Teal but it was scored by Diego. Tireless effort on that one. He had a few key passes to start breaks or get others good looks as well. Pulling all the strings in the midfield and I think he still has another level to reach this season.

Shoutout to our Big Time Fisher Boi.


On the road in a few days to wrap up the Western Expansion. Claude Dielna will miss that one with yellow card accumulation, so we get to see what Big Brain Brad comes up with to work around that one.

Revs 1-1 Chicago
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Monday, June 4, 2018

"Ye": A Dialogue


Kanye West has long been a polarizing figure, and he's certainly a the height of that right now with his Tweet Storms and takes on politics and race. That's not what we're gonna talk about, though. His latest album, Ye, is itself a polarizing project, with people seemingly firmly in one of two camps: "This is amazing, Kanye is a genius" or "This stinks out loud". And so, we will start a dialogue.


I fall in the middle of the two sides. I'm looking like Larry David when he can't decide between his Jewish friends and the Palestinian goddess and her chicken.


I'm not a massive Kanye stan. I really like his music when it's good. I don't go back and listen to College Dropout once a month like other people do. I find he has usually has at least 3 songs I'll keep in heavy rotation per album. For me, Kanye West music has always been about the production and less about the lyrics and actual rapping from Kanye. I care more about how his voice sounds on a beat than I do about what he's saying. Like on "Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1", I think his voice fits on the track and don't really care that his lyrics consist of, for example, "I just fucked this model, and she just bleached her asshole. If I get bleach on my t-shirt, imma feel like an asshole." Not the best lyrics ever (they're hilarious, so I have to give Kanye that) but the way he says the lyrics just fit on the track. I feel the same way about Future. His voice just feels right on trap beats regardless of the content of the lyrics. Rap has very much shifted toward the importance falling more on production than lyrics.

Ye has fantastic production. It's Kanye's bread and butter. Add in production credits from my guy Francis and the Lights and the beats are MONEY.

*very Stephen A Smith voice*
HOWEVA


Kanye just does some weird shit on this album that make me scratch my head. 

Right off the bat, "I Thought About Killing You" hits with an interesting beat, but Kanye just talking over it was weird. It gets infinitely better at the end when the beat changes and he starts flowing a bit. Francis has a writing credit on this one, so that style makes sense. The end of it ions enough to make up for the first 2/3 of thew song, though. 

"Yikes" turns it up with a good beat and a nice hook. This has been one of the more mentioned tracks I've seen on social media, with the majority opinion being that its actually good. 


"All Mine" has a fairly basic instrumental, utilizing drums and some backing vocals and melodies. But the high-pitched and fast-paced hook just felt off. Francis has production credit on this track, again making sense given the simplicity of the beat.

"Wouldn't Leave" was just a miss for me. I'm not a fan of the beat or the flow or the lyrics. Just a dud.

I like the hook on "No Mistakes", and it works well with he beat. It switches up during Kanye's verse and gets worse as a result. Pretty "meh" song in this reporters view.

The intro for "Ghost Town" reminds me a lot of The Life of Pablo. Kid Cudi sounds good, 070 Shake sounds great and the production is fantastic from West, Mike Dean, Benny Blanco and Francis and the Lights. Kind of like "Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1" or "Waves", my two favorite tracks off TLOP, Kanye's actual rapping is the least enjoyable part of the song. The sampled intro, like Pt. 1, is great. The other artists, like Waves or Pt. 1, really outshine West.

"Violent Crimes" again shows off 070 Shake with a great hook. It's a slow and melodic beat. Much like, "Ghost Town" I get some TLOP vibes from it. It's also the only track that Kanye entirely produced and wrote on his own.

Overall, it's a good album. Not too good, but a solid "Yeah, its good". You have songs like "Ghost Town", "Violent Crimes" and "Yikes" that give off a real Pablo vibe, and since I really enjoyed that album I in turn really like those songs. Everything else is honestly forgettable.

At the end of the day, Kanye West is a master producer and it shows in his body of work. As long as you doing expect too much lyrically or in regards to flow, you might like this album. The only times I found myself physically making weird faces and wondering what was happening were the moments when Kanye's voice just didn't fit on the beat. As long as he can fit his voice to an instrumental and he stays a production genius, he'll be fine.

My overall score is 3.6 Balls. Not as good as TLOP but the three songs I already mentioned are real goddamn nice. Those three will get added to playlists, and the others will be forgotten about.

This has been "Ye": A Dialogue.





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Saturday, June 2, 2018

Revs Cancel The Bulls Parade



We back folks,,,

New York Red Bulls visiting the Fortress, with just 3 points elevating them above the Revs in the standings, but with 2 games in hand at this point.

With the Tierney news I expected Gabriel Somi to take up the left back spot, but the Revs tweeted out a fairly different lineup than I expected. Turner in net as usual, and a backline of Dielna-Delamea-Anibaba-Farrell. And then they went attacker heavy, with Nemeth and Bunbury both starting, Kelyn Rowe back in the XI, Diego in the middle and Penilla and Caicedo keeping their spots. I assumed that since Nemeth was starting he would be up top, but he was playing on the right wing from the jump, which was a bit odd to me. Teal has the experience out wide but Brad clearly trusts his work rate on the high press.

The key for the Revs was shutting down Bradley Wright-Phillips. And in true Revs fashion, BWP scored 7 minutes into the game.

A pure man's goal. BWP just rises and puts pace on the header from pretty far out to beat Turner. He's just so good and has been for a long time now. The Revs ddi a decent job keeping him quiet the rest of the game and he didn't have many true scoring chances, his best coming off a self volley towards the end of the match and even that was from outside the box at a tough angle and with bodies around him.

And so the question was, "Can the Revs respond?" Buddy,, did they ever.


What a goddamn PISS MISSILE just before the half. What an answer! Nemeth flicks it to a streaking Diego inside the box and the new dad with a heater off the right foot to the back of the net.

Now, leading up to Diegos first goal as a father, as well as afterwards, the Revs were holding the ball pretty deep into Red Bull territory. Nemeth was being given a lot of space to operate on the right wing and had a few runs that ended in him being brought down in the box but no penalties called. On the other side, Penilla was clearly a focal point of the attack going at the New York left side. He was being given little room to work with but the Revs found some success in getting him some room to work with by switching the field of play and putting long balls over the defense and onto his foot. He's obviously dangerous with the ball but that last sequence just wasn't there most of the time.

I like to call the Revs attack "The Edge" because its a lot of buildup and promising teasing only to be left with no finish.

And guess what? With The Edge comes a lot of emotion when you finally put one home.


It all starts with Luis Caicedo. The DM pushes up the field and wins the ball back on the end line. He whips it back towards the field of play and it falls to Penilla. Penilla, with the defense now scrambling to get back into position, uses his speed to push past his marker and uses he separation to put a nice low cross in front of the net for Teal to finish off. That goal was like an Italian chef kissing his fingers.


The scoreline would hold as the Revs weathered a late comeback attempt to take all 3 points at home.

I thought Dielna was solid at LB. His defense was never really the question for me, it was the attacking. His crossing was not very good, which was a bit odd given his relative competence in his debut as a free kick and corner kick taker tonight. He nearly put a free kick home from a difficult angle on the near side of the goal, but the power shot was pushed away by Ryan Meara. I do expect Somi to assume regular LB duties but Dielna was more than serviceable in that position.

I also thought Nemo had a nice game. He prefers to play in a more central attacking role, but his work on the right wing was very good and his take ons were instrumental in getting looks at goal and set pieces all night.

And for a final game thought: Aurelien Collin has a highly punchable face.



Man of the Match

So important to the attack today and had the game-winning assist.


The lads go on the road for a little Manifest Destiny campaign. At Louisville for the US Open Cup on Tuesday, then at Chicago in a week, and then at at San Jose 4 days after that. Put on your walking shoes and pack your cures for cholera, we're heading West.

REVS 2-1 Red Bulls. Cue the music!





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Chris Tierney Done For The Year With A Torn ACL


Heartbreaking news out of Foxboro yesterday. Chris Tierney's year is done following a non-contact injury just before the half against Atlanta Wednesday. When he went down, we all knew in the back of our minds what had happened, but actually seeing the confirmation is a gut punch. Tierney is 32 and has spent his entire 11-year professional career with New England. The local kid from Wellesley has made 246 appearances for the Revs, sitting behind only Matt Reis and Shalrie Joseph on the all-time appearances list, and is by far their longest tenured player.

There were rumors that Chris was contemplating retirement before the season, and this injury has started that talk back up. He's clearly lost a step and is on the back end of his playing career, but this injury being what does him in would hurt a lot. Personally, I think Tierney wants to go out on his own terms, not because of an injury, so I think we'll see him again next season, even if just for one match to say goodbye.

It's a tough blow not just for Tierney and the emotions of fans, but to the team as well. He and Gabriel Somi were the only true left backs on the roster, and with Somi being inconsistent the rotation has been thrown for a loop. With the transfer window opening soon I fully expect someone to be brought in on loan to back up Somi. I also see Friedel bringing in another LB in the winter to fully prepare for Tierney's exit in the near future.

Heartbreaking news for Tierney, and I hope this isn't it for him. He's a fighter and you know he'll work his ass off to get back to full health ASAP. Just tough to see.
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Thursday, May 31, 2018

Revs Update


It has very clearly been a while since I wrote a Revs recap. Since the last game I have been able to watch theres been a lot going on: graduation, the Celtics playoff run, being sad as a result of the Celtics being eliminated from the playoff run, and other such commitments. 

The three games I've missed have been a 1-0 home loss to Columbus which will never be spoken of again, and two draws: 3-3 at Vancouver and 1-1 at home with Atlanta last night. From what I was able to gather from Twitter in the draws, the offense was flowing in Canada and the defense was fairly solid at home. But the biggest takeaway has been Matt Turner. 


The kid is being lauded after a masterful performance against one of the best offenses in MLS last night, with Brad Friedel even throwing international call-up potential out there. I've been saying it for a while and I'll keep saying forever, Matt Turner needs to be an All-Star AT THE LEAST. He's tied for 4th in shots faced with 67, tied for 4th in saves made with 48, has a goals against average of 1.46, has saved one of two PKs and has a save percentage of nearly 72%. He's shown off impressive reaction time, parry skills and hands. He's made the difficult saves that would have done this team in in the past. An absolute revelation and the season is still only like half over. Incredible. 

So I'll try to get back to recaps this weekend. Never a promise but I'll give it a go. 

Sko Revs. 


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Saturday, May 12, 2018

Revs Byke!


The constant question with his team is, "Can they respond?" It's asked after losses, draws and opposing goals. Do they have the gall to bounce back after a negative? Well, they answered that question in a big way against Toronto tonight at Gillette.

Brad Friedel, after rolling with the same lineup[ for multiple weeks in a row, switched things up. Delamea finally got back on the field with Dielna taking his spot on the bench. Chris Tierney got the start at left back over Gabriel Somi. Scott Caldwell took the captains armband and paired with Luis Caicedo as Wilfried Zahibo, after his 2 goal performance last week, sat on the pine. And with Juan Agudelo out, Kelyn Rowe got the start on the wing opposite Penilla. 

Now, Toronto is absolutely battered right now. Injuries and the CCL have taken their toll on the team from the Six. So, the Revs should have taken care of business. And thats exactly what they did. 

Right off the bat, it was Cristian Penilla.
That speed is truly something else. He didn't really get a pass played through that he could run into, he just collected the ball and turned on the afterburners to create some space for the shot.

He then went 2 Fast 2 Furious on our asses.
The press puts TFC in a cocoon of horrors and Penilla finishes the mistake for a brace within 7 minutes.

Teal finished the Revs goal scoring off in the 2nd half.
Technically Delamea also scored, just into the wrong goal.
Can't hold that against him, just a tough bounce. It would suck if that gets held over his head after he finally manages to get back into the starting lineup, but I don't think Friedel will do that. As a former keeper he knows how those things go.

Giovinco made it close from the spot.

Tough sequence all around. Tierney with the ball was not looking behind him, obviously, and makes contact in the box. And then Turner dives the right way but the ball gets by him with that pace on it. Both TFC goals weren't really at the fault of the Revs explicitly. There was a lot of bad luck involved with the finish to the first and the penalty given on the second.

In the end it was too little, too late and the Revs took the win at the Fortress. We re-affirmed a few things in victory. First, the Revs are a lot of fun to watch. There were a plethora of chances in this game that the Revs did NOT finish. Case in point...
There a few more like that, and it was all game long.

Second, the Cult of Matt Turner is very much alive and it is THRIVING.



At this rate he needs to be an All-Star. It's not even a question, the kid has been immense this season. I honestly thought it would be a hot start that fizzled a bit, but he's been in top form all season now. If he's not an all-star (if he keeps this up) I will be irate on the web.

One thing we learned is that Sebastian Giovinco has a death wish apparently.
As the Smarf of this team, Zahibo is likely quick to pull out a rusty tire iron, so the fact he didn't immediately grab Gio by his ankle and swing him over his head like he's the Hulk is a sign he actually has some mercy in his heart.

Maybe the biggest thing was not giving up a goal before the first half ended. TFC bounced back and looked good after the Revs 2nd goal, so to hold firm and not concede and kill any momentum before halftime is a big step forward. 

It was a big win against a depleted team and a great showing for a lot of guys out there. 

Man of the Match


It was either gonna be Penilla or Turner, but the brace within the first 7 minutes and his activity give the Fast and Furious One the slight edge here. 


Columbus visits in a weeks time. Not sure if I'll be able to watch or do a write up since theres graduation stuff going on, but I'll try my best.

REVS 3-2 Toronto 

SORREY! 










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Saturday, May 5, 2018

The Lee Nguyen Saga Is Over


Back when the rumors started to swirl, I didn't really believe them, but I understood them. Lee Nguyen wanted what he deserved. He wanted what he was worth. I hoped the change in manager would help to smooth things over, but it didn't. I only officially became worried when he started his holdout and did not attend the majority of training camp in the winter. I figured he'd come back eventually, and he did. But he then got left off the rosters week after week with Brad Friedel saying he has to fight for his spot. Was he trying to tell us that Lee Nguyen wasn't beating out guys bench players? Because thats a load of crap. If he was good to go you put him in the roster and worry about on-the-field before at-the-negotiating-table. 

The entire time, while worried for certain, I was almost in disbelief that it could happen and so I talked myself into the reality that he would play for this team for years to come.

That reality came crashing down when the Revolution traded Lee Nguyen to Los Angeles Football Club last week.


First off, he looks marvelous in the gold and black. 

If you had to give a Revolution counterpart to each of Boston's major sports teams, I think a lot of people would say Taylor Twellman. But with the smallest history in terms of years and winning, I think Twellman belongs with the Bird, Orr, Rice and Grogan group of athletes. He might still be our biggest star in history, and he eclipses those who had come before him. For the current generation of guys, Lee Nguyen is the Rev's answer to Pierce, Ortiz and Bergeron (I have intentionally left Tom Brady out because I am NOT stupid). He was this era's biggest star. So before we look at the return, the aftermath and the goodbye, we're gonna look at some of his best moments.

His best goals with the Revs


That AMAZING chip against Montreal (if you say it was deflected I will cut you)


His stats over the years have been at least average after his first season with the Revs


That 18 goal, 5 assist season in 2014 that earned him runner-up in MVP voting while also carrying the team to the MLS Cup Finals, where I think a win would have given Nguyen the MVP. I am still reeling from that game. 

Outdoing his near-MVP 2014 with the 11 G, 15 A performance a season ago. It shows just how good he still was and what he's truly capable of. 


Getting called up to the USMNT after a 7 year gap and then actually playing

THAT tifo
Still gets me going in the loins all these years later.

His story

The return for Lee Nguyen is $950k in allocation money, meaning we will probably not see much of that. Given the fact Mike Burns didn't want to deal him within the Eastern Conference and the amount of time that passed since the initial rumors of Lee wanting out and the fact he publicly asked to leave meant you weren't going to get the best offer or what the offer should be. 

I hoped Lee Nguyen would finish his playing days in New England. Instead, we have to settle on him combing back and playing in the Fortress if the schedule allows so. The teams are set to play in the middle of September this season, so we'll see him again then. 

I've seen far too many fans saying this saga has tarnished his career, while other are just generally disrespectful of all Lee has done for the team the past 6 years. All I have to say to these people is that you are absolutely moronic and don't deserve anything other than this. 

On a personal level, Lee Nguyen meant a whole lot to me and fans with Asian heritage across the US Soccer spectrum. For the first time since Tedy Bruschi roamed that same turf, one of my teams had an Asian American not only in the squad but also as one of the featured members of the team. It was absolutely fucking awesome to watch someone I can better relate to do the things he did and accomplish what he did. Watching him represent the United States and wear the crest meant a lot to the Asian community who, like myself and like Lee, call themselves Americans. And so I am sad that his chapter with my team is over, but I'll always be a Lee Nguyen fan. That much is certain. 

So thank you Lee Nguyen. Thank you for your performance on the field. Thank you for your personality off the field. Thank you for being a leader. Thank you for repping the culture. 

Thank you Lee. 

#MVLEE Forever.












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Should Wilfried Zahibo Be Striker? My Column:::,,


Look, I gotta come clean here from the jump. I did not watch todays match. I've been sick and also a college student so the 1PM kickoff crept up on me and I didn't make it. Hand up. That ones on me. I did follow on twitter though, so the following will be musings of a game consumed entirely through twitter.

First, I must say that I actually do hate that I missed todays match. Paul Mariner is in the UK being honored as part of the Ipswich Town team to win the FA Cup 40 years ago. In his place at color commentator was Charlie Davies. I really wanted to hear him call a game, man. Again, my bad.

Kelyn Rowe got back into the 18 after a few weeks off due to a leg injury. Other than that, the lineup was the same. The continuity I think has been a key part in how the team has looked. Now, early on Twitter tells me the game is very even, and that seemed apparent until the very end of the 1st half when Montreal opened the scoring.


  🤔 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

He also did it again.

The goal I mean, not the offsides.

Just making sure you got that.



And then they did it again.

The team I mean. Not the same guy, but rather the team in general within the context of scoring goals.

Just checking.

And then Ignacio Piatti, absent from the first meeting between these teams, made it 4.
Because when it rains, it shoots anvils onto your skull like a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

But these Revs are not ones to to just give up. Oh no sir. They are not doing that. They're gonna fight and claw until the list whistle blows. So Wilfried Zahibo went on a mission to show everyone watching just that.

Finds space and tucks it home. Beautiful.

Oh but Big Wilf wasn't done there.
That finish?! That kick?!?!

It wasn't a win, but they still showed fight. You'd obviously rather have a result to show for it but it's not a huge cause for concern at the moment. 

A few other notes:
-Shamnolic defending. Nothing more to say really. 

-The Swag Man left in the 34th minute with an injury and replace by Nemo (thats what I'm calling Nemeth now, pretty cool imo). Said the same thing with Rowe's injury, take all the time you need to be 100%. I hope its nothing major but be cautious, pleeeeease.

Man of the Match

The Brick Shit House himself, Wilfried Zahibo. Two goals is as good as it gets in this game for New England. This was also a very Smarf like outing. Poor to start and then wins you back over with that gritty attitude and coming up big at the end. 

Toronto at Gillette in one weeks time. *very lil pump voice* ESSSSKETIT


Revs 2-4 MTL

PS: There will be a Lee Nguyen blog very soon.





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Saturday, April 28, 2018

Revs Byke


A win is a win is a win is a win. At the end of the day thats all that matters. But the way the Revs got to that point in this one is about as Revs as you can think of. 

Brad Friedel  rolled out the same roster as last week, with Juan Agudelo starting along the right wing and Luis Caicedo in central midfield with Scott Caldwell on the bench. 

The nature of the two teams in question, Our Beloved Revs and Sporting Kansas City, meant the game would be very attacking-heavy and more open than we've seen in the past few games. With two aggressive squads, there would be a lot of space opening up, and taking advantage of the space would be key. 

As good as Diego has been this season in the #10 role, the key to this game was Penilla. Creative with blazing speed on the wing against a team that likes to push upfield meant he could get some great looks on a counter attack with teammates making runs through the box. He's the definition of instant offense. I call him Top Ramen cause he'll satisfy that hunger real quick. 

Penilla was also part of what is starting to become a worrisome aspect of the Revs game. The passing looked a little sloppy tonight. We gave up possession more than a few times by just passing it to SKC, and Penilla did it both in this game and in others within the attacking third of the field. I think away from home that kind of stuff will kill this side. You need to take car of the ball to have success. 

It was a relatively even game in terms of possession though. Each team held for long stretches a few times and the balls that New England would pass away, they would end up winning back more often than not. That Core 4 of Caicedo and Zahibo in front of Dielna and Anibaba is looking solid at this point, and then you obviously have a sure handed keeper in Matt Turner. Turner was forced into action like 8 seconds in and had to show his skill a few other times, but for the most part his teammates were making life pretty easy. Turner has apparently requested access to the Ojeleye Factory when he showed off some CombatMuscles though...


A real nice goal line clearance from Big Burly Boy Farrell and then Turner fighting for the ball. Gritty!

As the game wore on you could see the Revs dedication to conditioning start to pay off. KC was looking like they were falling behind the rapid pace of play at times int he second half as the Revs ran them, and ran them, and ran them some more. 

"But what about the score? You said they won! Wheres the goal?"

Great question! I was waiting to get to this. Teal Bunbury with perhaps a goal that is a microcosm for both himself and the Revs organization as a whole.


Diego plays him a pass, the flag goes up since he's clearly offside and he puts it home out of frustration apparently. Well, VAR giveth and VAR taketh away, and in that moment it was feeling more giving than Santa Claus. Replay showed that the ball was actually last contacted by Espinoza, making Teal onside and the goal a good one. How in the world is that the goal that did in KC? How is that a goal that was scored by the Revs and not against them? Are we still on the planet Earth? Does God exist? What is the meaning of life? All of these will remain eternal questions lost to the universe.  We should also fully expect VAR to screw us at least 3 times the rest of the season for this one. 

KC came into this matchup unbeaten since week 1, and it was the Revs to end their streak. Incredible. 

Other notes:

-Kelyn Rowe misses a third straight week with that leg injury, though he was practicing a bit this week and apparently smiled at Paul Mariner in Gillette Stadium, so cause for concern may not be warranted just yet. I'd say if he misses next week as well then we can start thinking about the panic button. But for now, we're fine. Everything's fine. We're fine.

-On two separate occasions, Claude Dielna the central defender was trying to show off his skills. It looked like a 12 year old spamming an XBOX controller. Step over, step over, feint, step over, sombrero attempt, it gets kicked out of bounds. The guy is too much. 


Man of the Match
Look when you're hot you're hot. Thats 4 goals in 5 games now for the Man Between Blue And Green. It's been a case of "Right Place, Right Time" for him. Whether he meant to do it or not, he put that ball in the back of net for the lone goal of the game. His work rate in the press can also not go unnoticed. He was making life difficult for SKC as they attempted to build up their offense. Good in ya Boonbury. 


I spent more time than I care to admit trying to think of a song for Teal and gave up and put this song which is good. 


Up in Montreal next week for a 1 pm kick. I hope I'm awake by then. Clue the music!

REVS 1-0 SKC



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