April Fools Day when you were younger, say pre-highschool, wasn't actually that bad. You'd have the twins every year that switched places and went to each others classes, which now looking back on isn't even that funny. All the kids in class trying to hide their grins while the teacher calls the regular kids name and the replacement twin raises their hand. They go through some of the day in each others place. And whats the gain? Nothing. The teacher isn't cancelling all work for the rest of the day because of how hilarious that "prank" was. No, the twins end up switching back and everyone goes about their day.
Anyway, I'm out on April Fools Day. It sucks. Worst "holiday" ever. Arbor Day at least celebrates trees and shit, which we need to survive. April Fools Day gives people with no personality to try and be funny. Again, I'm talking adults, because at a certain point as a kid you should realize that April Fools Day is awful and stop trying to prank people. People who have either been beaten down by life in the cubes so much that they lose their sense of being a normal human or just think they're way funnier than they actually are.
KFC on Barstool puts together the yearly blog of normal people working in offices getting pranked by their weird co-workers. And guess what? All those jokes are shit. God awful. You put Post-It notes all over my walls? Hilarious dude, get them all off ASAP before I murder you. Stop snickering jackass. You aren't funny. Oh you ordered the whole office boxes of donuts on April 1? Guess what, if this is a "joke" and theres anything but donuts in that box I'm going to staple your eyelids shut. You decided to saran wrap my car for some yucks because you don't understand how society works on a normal level? I'm gonna watch you unwrap it and put all that on your own car. And hurry up, it's 5 PM and I wanna go sit not he couch with my dog. Being a try hard asshole and saying "April Fools LOLOLOLZ OMG!" afterwards doesn't make you anything other than a try hard asshole who isn't funny.
There is rarely a good April Fools prank. In fact I've sat here for a few minutes and can't come up with a single one I actually like. I'm lukewarm on the new trend(?) this year of athletes being "pranked" into thinking they're being cut or traded. It happened to Festus Ezeli of the Golden State Warriors...
And the Chicago Red Stars tried it on Sofia Huerta...
And that's alright. It'll jump the shark quickly, I can already tell.
The worst part is there will be a moment you forget it's April Fools Day and have a panic attack over something that's a joke. Yesterday at around 8 PM I was on Arsenal FC's Reddit page (because I'm a nerd and like to procrastinate) and there was a post that our star player Mesut Ozil was out 8 months after a training injury. My heart dropped instantly. Well guess what? It was already April 1 in London. FUCK YOU! I damn near had a seizure thinking Ozils season was done. And the girls who think its hilarious to tell their significant others they're pregnant? If you do that, don't ask why you're single afterwards. You can't joke about something like that. And if you and you're partner actually have been trying, wait to tell them until at least April 2.
When she still pregnant on April 2nd pic.twitter.com/IdAtsx9wK7— Mr Krabs blur meme (@mrkrabsmeme) April 1, 2016
Actually a great segue by me. That Spongebob April Fools episode gave us the idea we could just be dicks to each other, but because it was this specific day on the calendar, everything's cool. Spongebob telling Gary they were moving and becoming peasants? That's cruel. Mr. Krabs and Spongebob telling Squidward an art collector wanted to buy his work and name him Artist of the Month? Hey guys, Squidward may not be very talented, but goddammit he works as hard as he can on that shit. Squidwards retaliation, while it remains the meanest thing I have ever witnessed on TV, was absolutely warranted. He should have lit the Krusty Krab on fire.
So there you have it. I'm #DONE with April Fool's Day. It's never funny, but just lets people be idiots with no remorse. It's for the birds. And if you're a normal person like myself (that's the nicest thing I have ever said about myself) then you'll denounce this sham of a holiday as well.
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